Parrotta's Alpine Lodge

This place is a block away from my condo in the Chelsea Waterfront. My husband and I go there when we need a little perspective and always walk out feeling much better about our lives....

Why this hasn't been used for a movie set yet is beyond me. No beers on tap and very few decent ones in bottles. I don't even recognize the labels on the hard stuff. That said, it is a pretty good time of you're in the mood for a serious dive -- and a little "life's not so bad" pick-me-up.

Psst. Hey.

Shhh. Not so loud.

So. You ever wondered what the worst bar in the world is? So have I, and if there was a contest, this is the bar i'd submit for my entry. Parrotta's Alpine Lodge.  Two of those three words are lies; I'll leave it to you to figure out which two.

It smells kind of bad. The floor is buckled wood. The bartender is mean. The jukebox is broken. The back room is full of questionable looking individuals. The bathrooms are filthy, and the plumbing is largely exposed. There's a disused kitchen full of aging and rusty cooking apparati.

But what more could you want in a dive?

Last week I stopped in here after I'd already had a few too many. There was nobody there but the mean old bartender and a drunk-ass security guard playing rummy together. I asked if I could have next game; the bartender looked at me like i was made of poop and said "No."

There is absolutely no reason to go to this bar, and that is what makes it awesome.