Trout Lake Tavern

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  There's something about the Trout Lake Tavern in Trout Lake, MI.  The quality of that something varies wildly, and is mostly dependent on the amount you've had to drink.
  
  Thankfully for the Trout Lake Tavern, I had a whole lot to drink.
  
  We double-dipped on Thursday and Friday this past 4th of July weekend.  Thursday was karaoke; Friday was, and I do not jest, professional oil wrestling.
  
  As you pull into the parking lot, your eyes are drawn to the giant wooden bears adjacent to the front door.  "What is that bearing doing to that other bear?" You blink twice, then rub your eyes just to be sure. You take a picture, because you have to, then proceed inside.
  
  Pitchers of beer were something like 25 cents.  I know that's not exactly accurate, but they were really cheap, so I'm using 25 cents to get the point across.  Well drinks were similarly priced and the coke portion of the jack-and-coke was poured from a two-litre.
  
  Karaoke was a blast.  The computer set-up was very advanced, though it was kind of a non-starter because it stopped working before the first song.  They were able to salvage the evening, however, as the DJ had a back-up CD system.  The sound was good and the crowd was small so we all got to sing a lot.  A very attentive listener threatened to stab me if I didn't get a song right.  I'm still alive, so readers should attribute that to impeccable vocal prowess.  This is where I'd like to thank God, in writing, that I learned all the words to Alan Jackson's Chattahoochee while I was in high school.
  
  Dignity still firmly intact, we went back for round 2 on Friday night.  We were promised a professional baby-oil wrestling match.  I am no authority on oil wrestling, so I don't feel I can comment on if that's what we actually got.  The girls were oily, I can say that.  Music was mostly hair metal, and the DJ thought it proper to transition from Warrant's Cherry Pie to Van Halen's Jump via Every Rose Has it's Thorn by Poison.  Anyone who had a twenty could join the girlies in the inflatable-kiddie-pool-turned-oil-pit for a few songs.  Also?  A picnic table in the back of the room served as a dance floor and the beams holding the roof up served as excellent stripper poles.  The crowd was a mixture of drunken college boys, trolls from under the bridge, scary people I was a little afraid of and locals who were mostly organizing and working the room.  The off-balance drunkard next to me vacantly suggested I try to coerce one of the girls to take her bottoms off, but drifted off while I was explaining that's where she kept her money, so she'd likely be reluctant to accomodate the request.
  
  Now, the festivities of 4th of July weekend are likely an anomaly at the Trout Lake Tavern.  I had a blast and WILL go back on a normal weekday evening for what would likely be drinking at the bar with normal folk.
  
  Oh.  One more thing.  Don't plan on playing shuffleboard.  The table is nice, but the pucks don't slide at all.

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  Posted on 07.07.09 Ben G.

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