Bahama Breeze

I went for mother's day dinner..it was crowded which was expected so that wasn't an issue. But I believed the cooks we're overwhelmed withe the crowd and serving not so tasty food. I ordered the buttermilk chicken and mash dinner disappointed it was salty and cold. Thought I would have better luck with the banana supreme...the presentation was so unappealing and thrown together...overrun was soup like it was sitting for awhile... I'm never going back

What the hell were we thinking? Did we actually used to like this place? Well, never again. There are just far too many wonderful, independently-owned eateries in Cleveland that serve natural, whole foods for us to ever waste our money again on such mass-marketed, lowest common denominator, processed  food again. The truth? We came here because we were headed to the Winking Lizard down the road but there wasn't a single parking spot in the joint, our judgement clearly clouded by hunger, lead us here.

I don't understand why places like Bahama Breeze are always crowded. Can someone explain to me why people think this is a "destination"? I can imagine all of the hotels surrounding this particular location, stuffed with overweight, middle-aged middle managers helps the bottom line (what the hell else should they do, eat at Red Robin or Red Lobster or Long Horn?). From the cheesy pseudo Caribbean decor to the sticky tables and menus (ick) it's a B-movie of a restaurant. Piped in ethic music, blasting over the outdoor speakers, some goofball playing steel drums in the atrium, a constant smell of stale beer and spilled sugary boat drinks, a staff devoid of passion and personality (our server looked through us the entire time and never cracked a smile), tables so close together that you can't get in and out of them without asking another diner to move, and the food, where do I begin.

For starters, the drinks menu is a diabetics nightmare. If you like syrupy, cloyingly sweet, novelty drinks with barely a hint of alcohol to warrant the prices you're in the right place. Here it's all about the fruit juice. The drinks get their own booklet on the table and just about every cocktail is some combination of rum and fruit juice. And the beer list? Boring. They have three draft beers, all macro swill,  and a bottles list that reads like a fraternity refrigerator. Don't be fooled by the Aruba Red, it's an AB-InBev product. It's essentially Bud Light with red #40 dye. Luckily they managed to sneak in a few Great Lakes bottles without anyone noticing (thank this for one of the stars).

If I had to pick a few words to describe the food I'd go with sweet and salty. Just about everything has fruit on it, is served with some kind of sugary dipping sauce and comes pre-loaded with enough salt to put down a rhino (a bowl of their black bean soup has a whopping 1200 mg of sodium).  I certainly can't say that Bahama Breeze is alone in this culinary assault on the American public, but they are definitely adding fuel to the fire. Our meal consisted of the following:

Conch Fritters: I was actually excited to see these on the menu. After all, unless you live in Key West, FL you probably have never even had them before. My excitement didn't last. Five miniature little dough balls, fried and served with a side of, you guessed it, fruity sugar sauce. They reminded me up hush puppies and I couldn't really detect any conch in them. Don't bother.

Bimini Pretzel Twist: I know it's a nutritional wasteland but soft pretzels (and donuts) are like crack to me. I swear them off only to find myself back in their arms time and time again. More a braided pretzel bread than a traditional version, it was great. Sourdough added a nice touch and the Aruba Red beer cheese sauce was guilty good (not nearly enough in the two tablespoon serving, though). For me, the highlight of my meal.

House Salad: Not much to be said about this one. As far as salads go it was actually pretty good. I'm not a fan of the cucumber ribbons because they're a pain the ass to deal with, but I did like the pumpkin seeds and the vinaigrette was quite tasty.

West Indies Chicken Curry Rice Bowl: I was carb-craving and I'm always down for some curry. First, let me say that I don't like hot fruit. It has no place outside of an apple pie or strudel. This dish was packed with it - raisins, pineapple, mango - and it was very sweet. The chicken, what few pieces there was of it, was dried out and chewy. The rice wasn't bad and who doesn't like Naan bread?

Grilled Chicken Cobb Salad: If you're looking for a healthy option on the menu you really can't go wrong with this one, just get it without the blue cheese dressing fat bomb. Sliced chicken breast, bacon, egg, tomato, cheese, pumpkin seeds and avocado. The veggies were fresh and crispy but, once again, they barely serve a half a chicken breast.

I don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said. It's overpriced, it's a chain, the food is processed, loaded with sugar and salt, and the service is anemic. I'm happy to have chains like Bahama Breeze. They are great for helping me to realize how much I've grown to appreciate small, local eateries staffed with talented chefs that turn out inventive, dishes. We won't be back..ever.

Our friend, Richard Maurer, is one of the rotating house bands at this location.  He is a very talented musician who lives, eats, and breathes music.  His percussionist stylings on the steel drum are worth a listen!

We went to Bahama Breeze last Sunday to watch Richard play, and enjoy the company of friends and a tropical meal.  The menu had an interesting variety of offerings that all looked so pretty in the pictures!  My favorite bites were the fried yuca, tostones with chicken, my husband's empanadas, our dulce de leche cheesecake (big enough to share!), and their pineapple salsa.  Flavor-wise, the food wasn't anything to write home about, but it was novel.

The service and music were excellent.