The Bronx Beer Hall

Try the City Island Pale Ale and the Big Apple Cider.

So three friends and myself go here on a Thursday night when it's not too crowded. We sit down at a table and look over the beer menu, our waitress bounces on over with a smile on her face to take our alcoholic orders. I'm pretty sure there was only five draft beers on the menu and I see you can get a beer flight of four half-pint beers so that seemed like a reasonable idea. I let our waitress know that I'm ready to take flight and she asks it, the question to which there was no answer...

"What four beers do you want?"

Now, I'd like to think that in reality only a few seconds went by, but those seconds felt like hours to me. My breathing became extremely heavy, I felt light-headed. My eyes began to fixate only on the outline of our waitress's body. Everything else in my peripheral vision seemed to continue to stretch infinitely until I could no longer make out the bar in the background, my group of friends, or even the walls of the building...just utter darkness and the glowing outline of our waitress. I remember thinking to myself "Why would she ask me this question? I just want beers. Why is she giving me questions and not beers?"

I eventually managed to stop having a complete and utter out-of-body mental crisis long enough to mutter "You can choose."

So, she brings us our beers and being the aficionado I am, I start chugging half-pints like they're shots and I eventually get to one that I must have thought was just exquisite because it broke me out of my attractive gulping stupor to turn to my friend, foam all around my mouth, and proclaim, "This one is pretty good."  

Naturally, he wants to know which beer it is so he can order one himself, but I have no idea what I'm even drinking, our waitress chose everything for me. So we call her over and ask her about the beer in question and she tells us that she can't be sure just from looking at it.

This is where the Bronx Beer Hall goes from four stars to five.

She reaches down and picks up my glass and takes a swig of my mystery beer and says "Oh yeah! I'll get you one of these." and runs back to the bar. Here I am sitting there thinking to myself "How did she know I don't have Herpes Simplex 1? Did one of my friends tell her when I went to the bathroom? No that's dumb..." Then it hit me like Cillian Murphy hits Rachel McAdams in Red Eye.

She didn't fucking know.

She took a giant herpes related gamble and it paid off, and that takes balls.

I like balls.

5/5

5 taps consisting of local beers only. Great vibe, relaxed service and plenty of tasty treats surround the space via the market. Happy hour from 4-7 Mon through Fri and its two for one. Highly recommend anything from Yonkers Brewery, so awesome.