Esquire Tavern

I went to the Esquire to meet a friend for a drink.  Upon arrival, I noticed an open booth and slid in to secure it.  As I was sliding into the seat, I was approached by a heavyset black woman in her 40s. She asked if she could sit on the opposite side of the booth until my friend arrived because she was waiting on someone herself.  I told her that would be fine as I felt bad that she had just missed the only open booth by a second or two. Shortly after she sat down I noticed that she was acting peculiar and that she appeared to be somewhat intoxicated or on drugs.  She was talking loudly and brashly.  I just smiled and looked at my watch.  The waitress came by and the crazy woman asked her (rudely) where the menus were. She ordered a sandwich and an alcoholic beverage, all the while I'm just chuckling to myself and starting to feel embarrassed.  The waitress was looking at me like, "why are you with this woman?"

Once the waitress left, the crazy woman asked me if I "liked her titties."  She was wearing a tank top and was displaying quite a bit of cleavage.  Before I could respond, she proceeded to pop out her right breast and began sucking on her own nipple, all the while maintaining eye contact with me.  I was taken aback and asked her to put her breast away.  As she put her breast back in her shirt, she began to tell me how much she loved to lick assholes and much more graphic sexual practices that I won't repeat here.  I smiled nervously as I fidgeted in my seat.  I was about to excuse myself to the bathroom, so that I could get away from her when an Esquire manager approached our booth and asked me if I was waiting on someone.  I said "yes."  He then asked if he could speak to me privately.  I said "sure," got up and followed him down to the other end of the bar.  He then turned to me and said, "Sorry about you being bothered by this woman.  I know that you're aren't with her."  He then asked me,  "Are you Ok with this?  She did this earlier to another patron."  I responded that it was fine with me if was fine with them and that it was just entertainment for me at this point.  I was about to tell him about her behavior when out of nowhere it seemed, the woman appeared beside us.   "What's going on?" she asked. I told the woman that she should go back to the booth. There was no way I was going back to that table to sit with her anymore.  I headed to the restroom.

The crazy woman followed me. I walked into the men's restroom and amazingly, she followed me in.  I went straight for the stall.  She caught the stall door as I was about the close it.  "I want to suck your d*ck," she said to me.  "I need some privacy please," I responded.  I then shut the stall door, locked it and sat on the toilet.  The restroom attendant spoke up at that point, "Ma'am, this is the men's restroom.  I have you ask you to leave."  She left the restroom and I felt it was safe to come out of the stall. I had decided I was going to complain to the manager once my friend arrived. I stepped outside and someone who worked for the restaurant approached her.  He said to her, "It's come to our attention that you're saying inappropriate things to our guest and are entering the men's restroom."  I was able to escape the woman as she was occupied in conversation with the restaurant staff and about to get kicked out from what I could tell.  

My friend had arrived.  We ordered drinks at the bar. I was telling him everything that had went down when the crazy woman approached us with a receipt in her hand.  "Here," she said, as she handed it to me.  The man (bar manager) who had stopped her outside of the restroom was with her. He must have made the good decision to kick her out, but first wanted her to pay her tab. I looked at it and it was the receipt for her sandwich and drink, totaling $24.  "What do you want me to do with this?" I asked.  "You said you'd buy me dinner," she said.  I laughed.  "I certainly did not," I responded.  The bar manager said, "well, someone needs to pay for this."  I looked at him and told him that I was not going to pay the crazy ladies tab.  They left.  I turned back in amazement at my friend and we both were in awe.  A few moments later, the first man (floor manager) that I had spoken with approached us at the bar.  This is where the story gets really crazy.....  He asked us if we had already paid for our drinks.  We told him we had.  I was expecting him to tell us that the next round was on the them due to the harassment that I had to endure in their establishment.  Instead, he says, "We're going to have to ask you both to leave."  WTF?!!   After some back and forth, he said that if we moved to back patio, out of sight, we could stay.  After moving to the patio and finishing our drinks, my friend and I decided that we didn't like being segregated from the rest of The Esquire and that we would be leaving.  Horrible way to treat customers.

GO TO THE ESQUIRE TAVERN! Your inner foodie will rejoice!

It was late, I was tired and really needed a drink. My family and I had just arrived in San Antonio and decided to walk on Riverwalk to find some refreshments.

We had put The Esquire on our list due to their reviews and history in the city. I am so glad we went there first. It set the tone for our 2 day adventure in San Antonio. Most places on the Riverwalk were tourist stops and the generic burger and beer places you can find anywhere in any city. Esquire Tavern blew all these places out of their water.

Hand crafted cocktails, an excellent menu, cool location and atmosphere... and AMAZING staff. Our waiter, Matt (Matthew?) was so knowledgeable. He gave great recommendations and made us feel like we were the only ones in the restaurant.

What I enjoyed: A Pimm's Cup and Chicken Salad..... the perfect summer late night meal!

All the food was amazing and the drinks were delicious. If I could have, I would have ordered numerous items... but my waistline would have not thanked me later.

Leave the touristy restaurants behind and make this your first stop on hitting the Riverwalk.

Yes, go here. It's on the riverwalk and has outdoor seating that you can enjoy on a good day. It was way too hot on the times when I went though, I opted for the AC. The decor is as impressive as the location. They opted for a saloon style, replete with dark woods, low lights, and soft humming of fans. I'm not a huge fan of that maroon wallpaper print, but then again, it's a bar, not my house. If you're a fan of peering at taxidermy while you drink, and I'm sure you are, then you'll love this place.
They were out of some foodstuffs when I was there but the chile relleno was good. The fries were well done and they make their own ketchup, a little sweet.
The drinks are really good. The Moscow Mule, though lacking the gingery punch that usually mark the best ones, was nonetheless strong and refreshing with a healthy amount of lime. I also have to give kudos to a place that actually serves them in the proper copper mugs (to discourage those who may want to spirit such a mug for ones personal collection, they charge a 25 dollar deposit). The draft list, though only 10 or so deep, features some prominent Austin breweries (512, Independence, and Live Oak especially). I'll forgive them that they had ran out of Live Oak Primus Weizenbock, a beer that any self-respecting German beer aficionado should order.
Lastly, I give them props for what is a key indicator of bar tending superiority: a good old fashioned. They combined a strong rye  with bitters, sugar, a slice of orange for a nice citrus edge and a aesthetically pleasing square block of ice. Other bourbon drinks were similarly excellent. I would've preferred a bit more grapefruit in my brown derby, but I'm just being persnickety at this point. Oh, and the best drink I tried? The maple leaf. A little sweeter than some bourbon drinks yes, but the combination with the maple syrup, a bit of lemon, and a hint of cinnamon is fantastic. Make it your mission to order.
Well done, Esquire. I shall return.