The Ritz Bar & Grill

I love dive bars.

This is a dive bar on the highest order of dive bars.  This is what other dive bars aspire to be.  When someone says "I want to open a dive bar", they need to come here, check it out, and either steal all of the ideas or expect to go divier.

Drinks: cheap.  Well, unless you want a soda...because those are $2.  But if you're in a dive bar and drinking soda...well, you shouldn't be in a dive bar now, should you?

Food?  Meh.  Had the pizza...and while there is no such thing as "bad" pizza (it's like sex...even when it's not GREAT...it's still good), this pizza is a super cheesy greasebomb of the highest order.  Middle aged white guys (read: "me"), load up on your Zantac-150's before scarfing down a slice.

I wish I could upload a photo here, because the chalkboard behind the bar with all caps letters asking:

1. Do you want a body shot?
2. DTF?

Really set the tone nicely for what you should be expecting here, I think.

Oh, and here's the best tip I can give you: if you're going to try starting up a conversation with a girl who has tattoos, never...EVER...try to start off by saying "Nice tats".

It won't come out of your mouth right, trust me on this one.

You're welcome.

A buddy and I were there for the wrestling...which, let's all be honest with each other, has more cheese than even the pizza does.  Not that there's anything wrong with that - it's a good time, especially if you like to watch people pretend to beat the heck out of each other...and accidentally actually catch someone with a kick to the face from time to time.

Good times...good times.

Went here to see the Super Happy Funtime Burlesque and I have to say, it's one of the worst bars I've ever been to.  I think it's always a bad sign when you ask "what kind of beer do you have" and they say "anything you can think of!".  This inevitably results in an awkward guessing game in which the customer names a snobby (or not so snobby i.e. Sam Adams) beer, and the waitress says "Nope, don't have that".  I gave up quickly and went for the PBR on tap.  My friend asked for, in this order:  Oberon, Blue Moon, Sierra Nevada, Sam Adams, and they had none of these.  She ended up getting tap water and was charged $1 for it.  
Still, I can handle limited beer selection.  What really got me was the excessively loud music.  Because there was a performance on the stage, there was no dancing, just people sitting and attempting to talk prior to the show.  My throat was sore from screaming over Kid Rock (same song played twice w/in 20 minutes) in about half an hour.  I enjoy loud rock concerts and I am willing to abuse my ear drums for good music, but I was literally sticking my fingers in my ears and casting dirty looks to the a-hole DJ the entire time the horrible, horrible music was playing.
Bottom line:  This place is a dive.  And not the cute, homey, diamond in the rough kind of dive.  It's a crappy place with crappy drinks, worse service, and horrific music.  I would not come back here even if my favorite band was playing.

It's back again! Sort of...

The Ritz used to be located on the corner of Frazho and Gratiot in Roseville back in the day, right next to Liberty Bowl. It was a premier venue, hosting a lot of the grunge wave in the 1990s. In essence, it was the East side Blind Pig.

After a few name changes, it closed down apparently for good. (a giant Kmart now stands in its place...)

However, someone got the bright idea to reopen it in the same building that the Hot Rock was located!

And it's just as grimy as the old Ritz was. They do a lot of metal and hardcore shows here, all for pretty cheap. It's like the prices were frozen to mid 1990s prices, because you'd be hard-pressed to find a show here over $15.

Another thing I absolutely adore about this place (which simultaneously shows that I might be a lush, but that's a whole other story) is that they have killer lunch specials, including $1 pints! The food is passable, but washing lunch down with dollar pints always makes the rest of my day go...quicker.

I'd suggest checking out one of their pudding wrestling matches. Not to sound like a man-pig, but they're nothing short of hot.

And say hello to Maria if you're there. She works her butt off promoting this place!