99 Club

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  Well...
  
  I haven't seen a bar this awkwardly depressing in... ever. Unfortunately, it still beats their neighbor rival just called, "Sports Bar" I think it was- for the mere fact that it was OPEN. What the hell is wrong with Selma???
  
  No joke, the exciting "Sports Bar" was locked at 4:30 PM, even though a sign outside was proudly declaring it to be "Happy Hour." Way to piss in my corn flakes, guys...
  
  So anyway, we walk past "Sports Bar" and run into 99 Club. It was dead. fucking.silent. NOBODY spoke to us except to ask for ID, which the middle-aged woman at the bar walked over to directly beneath a light, put on her glasses, and stared at for a good minute or two.
  
  There was one gray old man quietly drinking a beer by himself at the bar. There was another with a power drill screwing with some shit behind the counter, I couldn't tell what he was doing other than being obnoxiously loud and annoying in what otherwise could have been a fucking Shaolin monk's meditation zen garden.
  
  I ask the tavern wench if there were any drink specials. She looked at me as if I asked her for money. I then asked if it was happy hour (since it was next door, I didn't think it would be much of a stretch that it would be happy hour here, as well) and all she said was, "not right now." I asked the wench when happy hour started, and she completely blew me off and sat down at the bar herself.
  
  OK, me and my boy had time to kill. We were on a mission in this little shit-stain of a town, and we couldn't go back to Fresno yet. So we go to the back of the bar and play FREE pool (yeah, it looked like a fisher price "my first pool table," but it was FREE) so we played pool, laughed, joked around, and had fun in this SILENT, AWKWARD, bar. And got mean-mugged by all three motherfuckers in the place.
  
  Luckily, we got saved by the bell as the phone call we were waiting for came right after the first game, so we got the fuck out.
  
  A star for FREE Fisher Price pool, and for not getting a sawed-off shotgun pulled on me for not spending any money.

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  Posted on 08.16.10 Nick A.

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