Food was all mediocre. Clam chowder was to loose for me. Chips were soggy and stale.
Seafood platter was ok but not very generous. Most if not all the fish is not local. Why if your restaurant is on the waters if the gulf of Mexico would you serve Swai from Indonesia.
Highlight was the Coleslaw.
Service was ok. Music was really good blues band playing Srv, Alllman brothers, etc.
First off, if you go to Bert's, know what you're in for. Â I have it on good authority that it's on the "Top Dive Bars in SW Florida" list. Â I don't think it nearly earns that illustrious honor - Â I've been to too many dive bars in my life, and Bert's is four star by comparison to many of them - but this isn't somewhere to take your mother with the sanitary wipes and a wine pairing list in her pocket. Â
If you're about ambiance and magical food, skip this joint. Â If you're up for a super casual "locals" place to kick back, have a cold beer (of the Budweiseresque variety), eat (yes, mediocre) food, listen to some good music (famous with the locals - we were lucky one day, unlucky another), and enjoy friendly service, hit Bert's.
Last note: I will add to what other reviewers have said... when these guys are busy, parking right outside is a nightmare. Â There is more Bert's parking across the street (look catty-corner); you might have luck there. Â If not, it isn't as if you'll have to break distance records by parking elsewhere in Matlache and walking to your fish & chips. :)
Unpretentious, Â I love sitting outdoors on a dock! Oyster app was pitiful. They were the tiniest oysters I've ever had. They were deep fried and dried up. Berts would be better off using the ones in the plastic jars at Publix. Â I had a cup of yummy new england clam chowder and a club soda. My date had the fried grouper special which he liked. He also drank 3 miller lites in a bottle. The bill was $36.00. Â My app was a shocking $9.00 for a small handful of large crumbs. Â Should ordered a burger. Now I know what not to order. I noticed the bar was pretty full at 11:00 am. Nobody there I would want to sit next to.
Review Source:Don't go there for the food as it was mediocre.
Great music, and view.
Service was OK. Â Stone crab, @ $20/lb, Â weren't fresh. Â Menu has only grouper @ market price, and tilapia @ about $10. Â After the dried clams and no where near fresh stone crabs, we didn't dare to order anything else.
Parking is very limited.
Deke is right about the parking, it's a zoo. We were visiting Cape Coral for a friends  wedding. My bud is a local and seeing how it was Good Friday, recommended we meet at Berts for the fish fry. Initially we parked about a block east on the street, in front of what looked like an empty Chinese restaurant, but I was uneasy we'd be towed. It was Friday night and Berts was packed. My wife and I put our name on the list for a table (we were expecting 5-6 more to show) and went outside on the deck to hear a guy playing a pan (Steel Drum).
My friend called saying he would be there in about 10 minutes so we went back out front to meet him. While there a family left who were parked directly in front of the bar. Â I told my wife to hold the spot and went to get the car.
Now you should know about my wife. She is 65, small and very shy. She doesn't get into confrontations with ANYONE (except me, but I probably deserve it). As I was headed to get our car a guy in a van tried to pull into the empty slot and SURPRISE, she stood her ground, right in front of him. Words were exchanged, he tried to snake her by saying the family that just left had been saving the spot for HIM. And he even pulled forward threatening to run her over, BUT SHE HELD FIRM. As he backed out the cad flipped her the bird!
My friend eventually showed, we ate, drank and listened to a 15 year old kid play the Blues like he was already a star. Mike Imbascani, he's got the touch, keep an eye out for him.
I like Berts, it's a dive, loud and noisy, but the food is good and cheap, the beer is cold and the entertainment (if Mike is any indication) is top notch.
Just be prepared to fight for a parking spot.
Parking is horrendous (you might need to park a block awayin their gift shop lot) and service is "iffy", but the place bleeds of the quirky local color that is Matlacha's signature and worth your time. The entire back area tilts unmercifully, so you need to decide whether to feel like you're going to roll into the bay or lean upstream. Â That said,
I had the BEST pizza of my life, with a great view! Â It was a hand thrown from scratch wafer-thin light flaky crust with vegetarian deluxe toppings, including green & black olives. ($9 for 10 inches). Â I also had a great $4 tossed salad with a flavorful Catalina dressing. Â Everyone was raving about their homemade chips.
What do I think about Bert's? Well, If you like 1) dive bars 2) seafood 3) water views, this is your place. In hindsight, I think peeps may come here more for the atmosphere than the food. Except that they 4) have stuffed animals on the wall (think deer, marlin, alligators) so if that's a turn off, best not step through the door.
What else?
1 - Feel like playing for your dinner? They have the Maine Lobster claw crane game. Twisted? Yes. Fun? Maybe after a few shots.
2 - Parking is horrendous, so be prepared, but you may get lucky.
3 - Don't want to sit? There's a pool table, electric juke in the main room and of course, live music Tues-Sat.
4 - Restrooms are singles, so be patient.
5 - Wings - not all they are cracked up to be but try the fried oysters and homemade chips.
6 - Plenty of bottled beer and a few on draft (even a gluten-free option), and you can even get a split of bubbly if you're so inclined.
My final verdict? I like! My only regret - that I didn't get back here more often on my visit. Next time, next time....
Great place to have a beer and something to eat. Has a great view of the bay. I ate there 3 nights ago with my wife and kids. My wife and I ordered their all you can eat fish fry. The fish was perfectly cooked and was quite delicious. The only draw back that I can say is that the area where we were seated was quite dark which makes it difficult to see what you were eating. Man I hope I was eating fish LOL jk. It was quite affordable.
Review Source:During my one night couchsurfing adventure out in Matlacha, the group I had joined for Stone Crabs, wine, and assorted special baked goods, invited me and my friend out to this local watering hole.
The second I walked in I was like 'yea, I like it here.'
The down-home feel of good 'ol blues, rock, and jazz closed in on me -- or maybe it just felt that way thanks to the intimate atmosphere and low ceilings - which were adorned with license plates from all over the country (though I did NOT see a single RI plate ... I may have to fix that)
The people were casual, kind, and chill. Â All except for the one guy who flipped out when I unknowingly sat in his wife's chair after returning from dancing to the amazing live band. Â
Perhaps I should have told him how she was eyeballing me the whole time. Â That woulda been fun.
The drinks were good and cheap, too.
And there's a great view of the water out back if you need to escape for a bit.
Overall, a damn decent establishment.
This is one of those places that jerks with a bad attitude seem to dislike and give 1 or 2 stars. Â
If you are mellow and ready to have a mellow time, don't be afraid. Â Just act like the locals do and you'll be fine, maybe one will even talk to you about his mangy dog.
A little bit of the Keys just minutes from the graveyard of Cape Coral, get some fresh-fried potato chips or darned good pizza, they don't do much wrong here and they could charge for the view. Â
Live music on Thursdays through the weekends as I recall, get a room a few doors down. Â Purists shouldn't worry too much about 10 years from now, it has solid ownership and it looks like he's not interested in changing a thing.
Ask the owner how many people have been killed at Bert's over the years, he'll tell you a nice yarn.
This is OLD FLORIDA. Â If you don't get it, don't knock it, and don't come back!
Delicious, reasonable food... I had the fried shrimp platter which included 12 good-sized shrimp, cole slaw and homemade potato chips for $12.95. Â Others in my group enjoyed the grouper sandwiches too. Â But service was terrible. Â It was slow getting the food and then we had to practically hunt down the server to get the bill. Â Maybe hire more help both in the kitchen and on the floor for busy times?
Review Source:Total dive bar that locals, bikers, fisherman, and tourists alike frequent. Lots of music as entertainment. PHENOMENAL view of San Carlos Bay (its located near marker 55 and the Matlacha Bridge). Docking for boats available.
Don't go for dinner. The seafood 'dinners' are sub par. The pizza not bad but not great. The service is horrible. For all of the times I've been there they have never got an order right. The waitstaff always seems to be shorthanded and trying to get a refill of beer in the dining area while eating is a small miracle (different in the bar area). And they don't have set uniforms to wear, which I'm OK with, but the outfits that they wear have not only appalled me at times, most recently the day-glo orange leg warmers with matching skirt that was MUCH too short made me feel a little nauseous.
If you want beers and company, good place to go. If you want a decent meal, try some of the other places within walking distance to here.
Wow! I cannot believe this place doesn't have a single review. Probably because those lucky enough to frequent it have better things to do than yelp. Lucky bastards.
Anyway, I had the pleasure of drinking beer mid-day on the rear deck on a picture-perfect Pine Island day. The inside was dark and musty, much like my women. The regulars (old hippies, shrimpers?) were laughy and drunk and it was only noon on a Tuesday!
Tourists (like me) seemed to enjoy the standard fish-town bar food and suds, and it might be the most laid-back place on the planet. Nestled amongst the art-deco galleries dotting the main drag, it's just west of the "fishingest" bridge in the country.
A must-see while on Pine Island.
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