Flo Eatery and Wine Bar

Was very disappointed with this place. The food was nothing special and certainly not worth the price. We were sat next to the owner and his friends. The entire time we were there the owner and his friends yelled at a football game on TV, while dropping the F-Bomb every several seconds. They were very disrespectful and didn't seem to care that we were trying to eat just a few feet away. I will never go back.

(Yes, I'm back.)

You. Are. Kidding. Me.

I went there twice: once for lunch and once for dinner. Lunch was better, because these people can't handle crowds so ten people in the restaurant at noon is more up to par with their piss-poor time-management skills.

Nothing about my lunch was outstanding. I had a salad/sushi combo for a nominal fee with a hot sake. I realize that some drinks take extra effort to make, but there was no reason why a hot sake should take that long to heat up. The delivery on that drink was awful, too. They put it in a metal teapot and gave me a stemmed shooter. Thanks, assholes. Now I have to drink this expensive drink VERY quickly so as to preserve the heat factor.

Ever wonder why sake is typically served in ceramic thimbles? TO KEEP WARM! Why is it stored in a miniature ceramic decanter? TO KEEP WARM! Metal and stemmed shooters DO NOT KEEP HOT DRINKS HOT!

You ruined a fantastic drink for me.

The sushi is gawd-awful. Its subpar and just awfully bland. The caesar salad wasn't very good either. How terrible is it to ruin things you don't make, yourself? Any idiot can make a salad and heat up and serve a hot drink, but the twitching retards there couldn't even do that.

Here's the worst part: I decided to take my wife there AFTER I decided this place wasn't suitable enough for me to piss in. My fault.

"Maybe dinner will be better," I rationalized with myself, clearly wanting to give Flo the benefit of the doubt.

My wife quickly pointed out to me menu problems. "Crab wontons" (rangoon to the rest of the sensible world) was listed twice and so was something else on the paper menu. She's a graphic designer and pointed out a few other flaws, but those are all subjective. She ordered the cheapest sushi rolls and made faces at the quality all throughout dinner.

I attempted to make sense of the menu. They do this crap of...well, let me type it up to the best of my ability...I mostly blocked out this whole experience and went into a trance-stare while I was there:

BISTRO STEAK 15
shit sauce, shitrooms, shit greens

That's not exactly what it said, but that's my interpretation. What kind of steak? How many ounces? I NEED MORE EXPLANATION!

The waiter suggested the seafood paella and it was terrible. I ate all of the shrimp and scallops, but the rice was damned ricearoni with cheese or something or other. Who made this menu selection? A culinary school dropout?

I didn't...no COULDN'T stand to finish it. I could have made better vomit. But hey, it was served in a stone bowl. Woo.

They stuffed us in the back next to the video game, which was sorely out of place. The only saving grace that night was the wine, which was terribly overpriced.

I miss the ice cream store that was there. Anyone else?

Bottom-line:

Don't eat here. You're better off eating mac and cheese at home and only consuming the wine they offer. Its an okay selection, most of which comes from California and is overpriced, but they really can't screw up pouring wine. Anything that requires even a shred of understanding will confuse them into a stupor.

I'm not just maintaining my typical "I hate everything" online critic persona, I genuinely hate this place. Its a shame that yelp won't allow me to give this place a zero star. This is the lowest of the low. This tops my bad experience at Texas Roadhouse, which was so awful that Texas Roadhouse Corporate actually gave me money in lieu of gift cards/certificates.

Maybe this place makes its money by taking the business that Metropolitan Grill refuses. Flo is all flash with little substance. They use subliminal and somewhat unethical decor to trick you into a good time. The color red is used to incite appetite and food to hungry people tastes better than food to non hungry people. I was hungry but I ignored my carnal instincts to "feed" and throw tables over.

Jesus. I'm shaking.

Glad to be back, btw.

Their wine selection is excellent and the happy hour is amazing.
Get the Go with the Flow Roll. Or the truffle popcorn. Both are to die for.