Hamburg Casino at the Fairgrounds

I'm not much for gambling, and frankly neither is the Hamburg Casino. It's a slots parlor and exactly what you'd expect from that. Lots of blue haired old ladies feeding their retirement into the one armed bandits trying to walk away with more pennies than they came in with. Not a joke, watch where people congregate. The retirement village, bused in daily crowd pack the penny machines front to back. You won't see them hovering near the quarter, or heaven forbid, the dollar and up machines.

The casino is very clean and I have heard the buffet is reasonably priced and good quality for the money (I didn't have a chance to try it this time out). There are more casual 'dining' options available around the gaming floor. A Tim Horton's sits right near the entrance and a small snack bar sits in the back. Prices are higher than you'd find in stand alone 'food court' type places, but not outrageously so. In fact the $8 cheese burger is about what you can expect to pay in several pubs and restaurants nearby.

I've never really understood the 'vibe' of a slot parlor as compared to a full blown casino. Slots places always felt a little sad to me. The pile of retirement village vans outside only fuels that feeling of quiet desperation they seem to foster. If only my penny bet can pull down that $4m progressive jackpot.... if only. A full casino on the other had has that vibe of high risk and high reward that comes with watching people bet $50 - $100 on a single card turn at blackjack.

Still, the Hamburg casino has a friendly vibe and the staff is always smiling and happy to help or answer questions. Free valet parking also frees up some extra cash for a few extra pulls at the wheels.

If you're looking for a place to drop $20-$40 and maybe walk out with a little more than you came in with, you'll do just fine. If you want the big casino feel and real table games, drive north to Niagra and have at it.

This place has the worst food I have ever eaten in my entire life. I have eaten here multiple times and every time it is horrible.The last time I ate here I got sick from raw chicken fingers that they served me. I was eating the fingers and noticed they were very chewy so I broke a piece in half and it was pink and looked raw. I immediately got sick to my stomach after finding out I was eating raw chicken. another time I ordered my food and they gave me a pager to let me know when my food was ready I waited an hour and the pager never went off so I went to the counter to see where my food was. They said they forgot to page me and proceeded to serve me my cold food that was sitting around for 45 mins. I will never eat here ever again.

Most would fear 3-starring the casino that paid them $135 on a 1c slot machine pull. Like mooning the gods of fortune, peeing on the Blarney stone or throwing away a stale box of Lucky Charms.

I love winning. The real kind, not the passe Sheen varietal that's quickly turned to vinegar. And while this victory proved so sweet, it couldn't pull a single, fairly small room of slots and slots alone from the middle of the pack.

On one hand, most of the machines are penny pulls so your cheap ass doesn't have an excuse to throw in a towel. On the other hand, the walking dead are notoriously fond of copper slots, so most of the room's electricity comes from pacemakers. In neither, a drink (wharr be the floor waitress?)

Sightly vapid, very geriatric yet with a central bar, a buffet (happy face/sad face) and a Tim Horton's (!!), it's still a decent afternoon killer.