Miceli's Restaurant

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  Have you ever thrown up in your mouth, then swallowed it?  Welcome to Miceli's, where the food is even worse than re-swallowed vomit.  
  
  I've been a foodie since I was a kid.  I'm adventurous and LOVE trying new places.  Simply put, and I'm not exaggerating for effect, Miceli's was the worst meal I've ever had anywhere by anyone.  It was bad enough that I'm tempted to petition Yelp to add negative stars.  It was that bad.  Where do I start...........
  
  For starts, the place is essentially a small town, road side Italian dive.  You know what I'm talking about.  The kind of place that "thinks" it's upscale dining, but the owners have been trapped in their redneck riviera bubble for 30 years and have no idea their restaurant is actually a dump by non-bubble standards.  The restaurant is dingy.  Low hung ceilings make the place feel smaller than it is.  There's one restroom up front that men and women share.  It's somewhere between a Denny's restroom and your average Chevron, "grab a key at the counter and go around back" restroom.  
  
  When we walked in, we were pleasantly greeted and advised it'd be 10 or so minutes.  We were seated promptly.  I was excited when I noticed we were being seated in front of an aquarium.  Then I looked closer at the fish.  It was a freshwater tank...........in an Italian seafood restaurant..........perched on the banks of the ocean.  There was algae growing inside of it, but I know those things aren't easy to care for, so I gave it a pass.  Next thing I noticed was the menu was HUGE.  Ask any food critic about food and they will tell you one universal truth..........the larger the menu, the less likely you will get a stellar meal, b/c the chef's interests and practice are too divided.  In my own life, this has been proven to be true probably 95% of the time.  Big menus = mediocre food.  
  
  My wife settled in and ordered.  I got a blackened swordfish what was on the specials menu.  I figured if it was locally caught, it was likely to be better prepared.  It came with clam chowder.  My wife ordered the crab cakes.  I also ordered a glass of nero d'avola.  I had hesitations when the waitress had never heard of the wine, and had to look at the menu to spell it.  
  
  20 minutes later, we had our meal.  Right off the bat, I could tell the food was going to suck.  The New England clam chowder was the consistency of water.  Literally.  And, my swordfish looked really hard, rather than flaky and tender.  So, my wife and I quickly shoveled in a few spoonfuls of chowder.  Wow, it was the worst chowder I'd ever had.  And to top it off, it was literally 95-97% potatoes.  There were virtually no clams in there.  Next, we tried the crab cakes.  H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E.  The worst either of us had ever had (we love crab cakes).  They were so dry and bland, we had to soak them in the sauce that came on my swordfish just to eat them.  At $13, we weren't going to let them go to waste.  Next, we tried the swordfish.  It was like eating rubber.  You literally had to saw it to take a bit, then chew for forever to swallow.  Remember your dad or granddad's rule about chewing 21 times before swallowing?  Dad would have been proud, b/c it took a lot more chews to swallow the blackened rubber.....er, swordfish.  When the waitress came by, she asked how it was and I gave a polite, but honest reply.  She watched me take a stab and the swordfish and could see how hard it was.  So, she took it back to be redone with a hint of embarrassment.  She apologized profusely, but it wasn't her fault.  
  
  After 10-15 minutes, another arrived.  Same store, second verse.  Actually, this one was even more rubbery.  And in the middle, it was still cold and read.  Fail.  I ate a little, then gave up when I got to the still frozen part.  Guess "special" doesn't mean "fresh".  They took the fish off my menu, which I hadn't asked for.  Still had to pay for the nasty chowder and crab cakes.  Ha ha.  
  
  All in all, Miceli's is an example of a restaurant that exists solely b/c the frigid temps of the midwest have destroyed the taste buds of the midwesterners who descend upon the west coast of Florida like a plague of love-handled locusts.  They plow through dumps like Miceli's, inhaling every morsel insight, while bragging to their buddies about how much snow they shoveled before coming down for a month.  Side note:  if you ever want to take a trip to the midwest, just come to the west coast of FL.  You literally can go a week and not meet a single person that's actually from Florida.  All of the waitstaff are from the midwest.  The patrons are from the midwest.  30% of the cars bare midwest license plates.  
  
  One thing that deserves praise, our waitress (I think her name was Robbi or Ronnie) was incredible.  I've honestly never seen anyone hustle as hard as she did from table to table.  If my own company weren't 1,000 miles away, I'd hire her, b/c she's the kind of hard worker you can build a business with.  
  
  ~ Fabricio

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  Posted on 02.23.13 Fabricio d.

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  Recommended by a broker on Pine Island. My crab cake sandwich was very good and although I ordered the 12oz beer, she poured me a 16oz instead and charged for the 12. Good deal there. They were very creative trying to come up with a decent, vegetarian pasta dish for my wife and did a very good job of that.
  Very affordable, friendly staff and a bit above average food for a tourist area. Shows a lot of wear from father time though.
  Even though it was ok, I would spend more $$ and look for more upscale. However, who can beat a $1.25 beer, right?

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  Posted on 02.07.13 Brian D.

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  All I wanted is what I saw on the marquee outside. Happy Hour $1.50 pints.
  Fine... I asked if they had a clam or conch chowder. "Yes, a clam" I asked. "New England or Red?" "New England." "Fine... A bowl and its happy hour right? What's on tap?"
  Yada yada yada..."Fine, I'll take the Blue Moon with orange slice."
  The beer was sour due to poorly cleaned lines. OK... I can deal with it.
  The chowder tasted good but the potatoes were undercooked and the soup was Luke warm at best. I should have left. But I was nice and told her it was not hot. It was whisked away to be unsuitably microwaved to a slight bit more warmed. I realized afterwards that I should have known that it was undercooked to begin with and may have fallen into the "Danger Zone" of food safety. Ate quickly and she said I should order the Oysters. I chugged my beer and declined. My tab arrived with the soup at $5.49... Fine... Beer $3.75...huh? I said the beer should be the happy hour $1.50.
  She said that Blue Moon and Sam do not apply. I said that when I said it was happy hour and ordered, she should have clarified. Well she hovered around me as I glared at my $9.80 tab total.
  I left $10.00 and felt I over paid on her tip of 20 cents.  My stomach simmered with potentially spoiled soup and sour beer.
  Second chance will be year's later folks.
  Don't waste your time just yet with this local dive.

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  Posted on 01.19.13 Jeffrey W.

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  After experiencing food poisoning twice at Micelis (affirmed by posts from other eaters at this place) I went back on May 25, 2012 to have a drink (only, I would not eat there) and see if things had improved..
  I did not get past the door. The owner's son said I had given a bad B*** S***review on TripAdvisor (expletive deleted) and was therefore not welcome. Since my previous review was based on City and State government reports of food safety violations and citations by Miceli's it was an eye opener to see the disdain Miceli's has for your food safety as well as the government inspectors who regulate them.
  Instead of saying something like "we have improved our food safety practices and may we help you?" Miceli's engages in a vendetta with anyone who has written a critical review by trying to silence them instead of addressing the issues and upgrading their food saftety.
  The shocking government reports started in 2010 (see the link below) and have continued ever since up to the present:
  <a href="/redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.city-data.com%2Ffl-restaurants%2FMICELI-S-RESTAURANT.html&s=394a24ad34c3a7cfb993d0d11e74b17a892836c4b2fb0ff67de3774d900181c4" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://www.city-data.com…</a>
  
  Welcome to Florida. Welcome to Matlacha. Welcome to Miceli's!

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  Posted on 05.25.12 Modris R.

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  3/9/12. - OK we have driven past the place hundreds of times and laughed about the fact it was always crowded. Finally found out why when we used a gift card our friends gave us. It was very oood. Better than Red's or the Bonefish grill.
  
  I had the shrimp and scallops and my wife had the veal Parma. Both were very good. the shrimp and scallops were lightly breaded and fried. NEither was over cooked. The garlic bread was great.
  
  the place always looks packed but they have an outside eating area so the place is twice as big as it looks from the parking lot. We'll be back.

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  Posted on 03.09.12 jim R.

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  We had breakfast/brunch today 2/25/12 rate 5 :(:(:(:(:(  not sure if bacon was French fried or not, part was burnt part total fat. All four of us returned uneaten bacon. Complained to waiter with no response. No manager intervention. Witness several plates of bacon being returned to kitchen. Potatoes were French fry cut cooked in home fried fashion again :(:(:(:(:(
  Miceli's is good Italian, but they should get out of the breakfast business or maybe a new cook. We four will not go again.

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  Posted on 02.26.12 Jerry C.

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  We thought we'd try this on a recommendation from a couple we talked with at Doc Fords (a GREAT place!) We all loved the prompt seating and super friendly staff. Our server was great; friendly and attentive. Now the food. We were really disappointed. The servings were large, but the pastas were store bought packaged. The sauces were not very flavorful. The clam chowder was watery.  The crab cakes were a bit mushy.  The shrimp and salads were good. We won't be back, it just wasn't good enough.

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  Posted on 02.11.12 Mary D.

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  Excellent pizza, needs a better beer selection.

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  Posted on 01.09.12 Randy B.

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  It is an interesting Florida restaurant: a mix of italian food (not trying to be Olive Garden, thank god!) and seafood.  I thought some of the prices were a bit high.
  
  My father said his Mahi was salted too heavily.  I had a blackened fish, which was saltier than I am used to getting (thought I wouldn't say too salty).  My partner had a plain cheese calzone - I thought it was pretty good, but he got bored.
  
  Big plus: the band was good.  After we finished our dinner we went outside to listen for a bit.  Big minus: no one ever stopped by to see if we wanted another drink.  We had taken out drinks that we hadn't quite finished from dinner.  Had someone offered us another, we may have stayed longer.

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  Posted on 01.05.12 Nicole A.

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  If you read the review from Modris below, be advised that his cigar stunk. That was the reason for the nasty review. The food here is great, good priced, and the mgmt is always friendly.
  Try the scallops, they're cooked perfectly!

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  Posted on 12.21.11 Frank S.

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  What restaurant charges for bread? Common... and they don't even tell you there's a charge for it when you ask for bread. You just assume your server is a dope and forgot to bring it....
  
  This is clearly, padding the check. Before you know it they will be charging for the lime or lemon in your drinks!... Salt on your Margarita? Two bucks more, but hey, surprise!! You won't know til you get the check and see the extra charges!!
  Sorry Micelli's... you've done it to me before and as a former Restaurant owner, this is wrong. If you have to charge for your bread, it doesn't say much for your food.
  Yes, the economy is not healthy, but Italian Restaurant competition right down the street is packed every night and they don't charge for more bread and dipping oil!
  Won't be back and can't recommend.

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  Posted on 07.04.11 Red C.

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  Tried a dinner this time. The cheese raviolis came with a meatball on top. A garden salad to start with (and not just iceberg lettuce, there were cucumbers, a tomato, onions, peppers). I was so dang hungry it probably didn't matter how it tasted. But it was good. And the garlic bread that came to the table beforehand was nice and buttery and garlicky and a perfect accompaniment to the ravioli.
  
  Someone at the table got the ahi tuna app, which was enough for a meal. I took a little taste and it was very well prepared.
  
  It did take 3 tries to get a normally prepared gin martini. The first time I was brought a straight shot of Sapphire. The second time I was brought that same shot again but dumped into a martini glass with some olives. The 3rd time after I walked with the waitress to the bar to explain to the bartender what I wanted, I still didn't get the extra olives I requested. Next time I'll just stick with draft beer like everyone else there.

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  Posted on 12.12.10 Debbie E.

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  Yummy!
  Very nice staff ! Also food is great and at a reasonable price.
  Bada Bing shrimp is delicious!

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  Posted on 03.16.10 J P.

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  This has to be the worst place I have ever eaten at. The scallops are tough and I have no idea where they found these. I had a few people at our table try them and one of the women said she couldn't get the taste out of her mouth.
  
  We talked with the manager outside just to let him know how bad the food was and he damn near attacked me. He followed me back into the restaurant and started acusing me of making a nasty remark under my breath.  The guys a thug.
  
  It's so loud inside you can't carry on a conversation. Save your money for a real place to eat.

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  Posted on 12.01.09 Missy C.

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