Kahuna 'Awa Kava Bar

Kava is something I've never experienced in my life, and I'm not sure that I would want to ever again. My director was raving about this place, but he warned my coworker and me that it's an acquired taste. That statement is equivalent to the Titanic being referred to as a sailboat.

The sign on the place is pretty small and it would be quite easy to miss. The atmosphere was so unique. It felt like a forest...trees, wood, dim lights, etc. So cool! It was very different and if it wasn't so dark in there (and if my stinking Blackberry had a flash) I would have taken a picture or two.

The taste, you ask? My coworker took a sip, screwed up his face, and coined it as "pistachio nut shells covered in dirt". That pretty much hit the nail on the head. I personally could not get past the color, which looked like my MAC foundation in the bottle. As we sipped, our tongues and throats became more and more numb. They give you pineapple "chasers" but trust me, there is not enough pineapple in the world to combat that taste. We were sipping it slowly, but my director told us that we were doing it wrong and that it should be downed like a shot. "You'll sleep like a baby tonight!" he cheered. I looked down and realized that we had a whole bowl of it to get through...the size of a SERVING bowl. We reluctantly finished the Kava, thanked the bartender, then hurried to the Mexican Restaurant next door to see if permanent damage had been done to our taste buds.

Try it if you're feeling adventurous, and don't forget to say "Bula" when you toast. Just get ready to feel funkafied for a while. I slept like the dead, but that could have been due to the excessive drinks we had at the hotel bar afterward.

Kahuna 'Awa Bar blends the best of two Fijian exports; that irie feeling of bula (vitality) and kava (intoxicating pepper drink) in a faux-Polynesian environment. Not to be mistaken with cava, Spanish sparkling wine, the liquified root tastes just like billiards' chalk but is rumored to mimic the effects of Xanax. I'll recount my experiences with it at this location --

First things first, make sure you remix the Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs' song, Wooly Bully, and start singing --

"Hatty told Matty, "Let's don't take no chance.
Let's not be L-seven, come and learn to dance.
Bula bula, bula bula, bula bula, bula bula, bula bula!"

The staff LOVE it when customers do that. You can guess what the music is really like..roots reggae, Buddha Bar, Sublime..in heavy rotation.

The beverage was paired with organic pineapple chasers because of the following attributes --

Taste - talcum powder mixed with apple cider vinegar.

Smell - rancid soymilk.

Appearance - fluids squeezed from a freshly washed paint roller.

Texture - diluted mud.

Effect -The way everyone was talking about this stuff, I was expecting my face to melt off, throat to seize up, and to lose control of my bowels. I drank about a liter of this liquid wall paper glue only to feel a mild buzz. I think the beverage I got that day was just diluted.

Price - $25 a bowl!  Is this plant harvested by Swiss financial planners?

Seriously, I find it very difficult to believe that this comes from a plant, but if' you'd like to try it, there are specials --

Mondays 2-4-1 bowls

Wednesdays (Ladies Night) 2-4-1 bowls

Other Weekdays (Happy Hour) 5-8pm..I think you know what's coming..2-4-1 bowls.

Oh and don't do what the guy across from me did. While his lady-friend had obviously spent her entire paycheck getting ready for the date, he had taken a more casual approach and dressed in a Marlin t-shirt. And I don't mean the two-time MLB champions, that's always acceptable. A word of advice Marlin-man, taking a girl 'dressed to impress' to a stoner bar is no way to get invited in for a "midnight coffee". Playfully trying to get her to try more when her face says, "I've just had a cup of warm fertility bank donation." is not a smooth move either.

I recommend trying it, but not from this place. Much more effective at Mystic Water Kava in Hollywood. Plus more affordable, can be purchased by the glass, and the carob/mocha/chocolate flavored kavas are a godsend --

<a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz/mystic-water-kava-bar-hollywood">http://www.yelp.com/biz/…</a>

this place is a trip.  and a little trippy too.  

I got dragged here by my friend who heard about it from the guy sitting next to her on the plane down.  all i knew was kava kava was suppossed to relax you.  next thing i know, i'm drinking cups of this stuff and my throat and tongue are numb.  and my toes tingle.  and im watching the trainwreck of a woman at the bar derail herself.  the owner seemed like he was on something more than just kava kava, but was very helpful.  

if you go, make sure you get extra pineapple "chasers"  

oh, and i slept like a freakin baby.  a baby with a numb throat!