The Clevelander

This place is more than a party bar hotel, it is a high energy, well executed SOBE entertainment extravaganza. We stayed twice totaling nine days over the past three months. Originally planned as our son's 21st b-day following college finals. A last minute change had my wife and I visiting first then I returned with our son a few months later. This review combines both visits.
Describing it as a party bar is an understatement. The Clevelander is a choreographed entertainment experience staffed by well qualified and friendly people that understand and deliver outstanding customer service. Our stays included visits to every venue, pool and patio, deck, roof and sports bar at the property as well as, Zen Sai, a restaurant at the adjoining sister hotel. We also watched a Miami Marlins baseball game from the Clevelander bar inside Marlins Stadium. Typical days began across the street at the beach. Midday, still in beach attire, back to the hotel pool/patio area for late lunch and happy hour drinks. The pool/patio area is party central on the corner of Ocean Drive and 10th across from the main Lummis Park ocean beach entrance. The music and beat provide a vibe for the whole area. Expect the street and sidewalks to be a parade of cars and pedestrian people watchers focused on the Clevelander crowd. During our second visit internationally acclaimed guest DJ Calvin Harris packed the pool and patio with bikini clad revelers that nearly shut down the street with gridlock. At times like this being a hotel guest has its benefits with express entrance. This benefit is even more apparent late night when the party moves to the roof top and hotel guests go to the front of the elevator line.
Many served us so well and it may seem unfair to name just a few, but here goes a few memorable experiences and staff members including one we thought just exemplified outstanding service. First, standing in the lobby during a rain down pour and commenting to my wife I didn't want to get wet walking to the sports bar, Wally, taps me on the shoulder and says follow me,  short cut through the back, in no time we're at the sports bar, still dry. A few snacks and half dozen drinks later Wally sees us in the lobby and asks how we liked it (bar).  Next was Brian at Marlins Stadium Clevelander. He welcomed people like it was a private party and the food and beverage service was so fast it felt like he had a cooler behind our seats. Next, a cigar girl, realizing her inventory didn't include a cigar I wanted, having bought it twice prior, ask if I didn't mind waiting a few minutes, left and returned with the elusive cigar I could only describe by its size and band.  Lastly, and our favorite, was a blonde bartender named Barbie. During our stays I think we ended up at her bar/station four or five times. Although we had been patrons of many of the bartenders, all of whom were very professional and with many qualities, it was Barbie that we were most impressed. From the moment you sat down or stepped up to the bar she was friendly and very personable. Always offering a menu to review, she made it easy to know what was available and answer any questions about the specialty drinks or food offerings. If we did get food, the set-up (cutlery, napkins, condiment) was always complete. You never had to ask for anything, it was either there or she had already ask.  She seemed to be one of the hardest working people we met, consistent, totally in control of what she was doing and always attentive. In our experience there were no mistakes and she provided outstanding service.
Just an observation, the Clevelander is about a high energy party environment and although the main stream crowds are 20 and 30 some things, if you've got the game and energy for a party, it's not uncommon or uncomfortable to be older as were many couples and small groups we saw.
If you are into the South Beach experience, the Clevelander is it. The place is loud so if you want peace and quiet, go to Maine. The rooms are modern minimalist and very clean, they have no writing desks and the bathroom doors are smoked glass, not as revealing as airport scanners, but close. So if you are on a business trip, although they have WiFi, it would be best to do your work at Starbucks. If the bathroom doors are too intimate for you and your roommates, bring more intimate roommates. The customer at the Clevelander is part of a choreographed entertainment experience, so go with the flow and you will have a blast.

This place sucks!!!  unless you are in the mood for an overpriced spring break/rap video setting.  Service with an attitude. The food is decent. the vibe not so much(unless what I stated earlier is your thing.)  

They have a cool karaoke on Monday nights with a band and a large bar tab prize.
For people seeking the spring break experience I did witness a women in her 30's receiving cunnilingus in the pool.

Choose wisely.

Good crowd, good music, and open till 6am, so plenty of time to enjoy yourself!