Joe's East West

Wow...I'm first to review Joe's.  Damn...this IS a treat.  Where do I effin start with this one?  

I'm proud to say that I haven't been here for over a decade, unless I get dragged there in the near future (naaaah).  Joe's was the hot spot in New Paltz back in the 90's.  Do I mean this in a good way? Not really.  It's 18+ at the door and you know what that means.  It was a straight-up thug bar in the Hudson Valley.  Thug-Juice for all you bitches! Always a circle of gangsta wannabes on the dance floor just LOOKING at the girls dance.  Truly a fucking golden-sight.  Black and White guys FINALLY united peacefully while staring at white chicks move...

...and it was always much too crowded there.  Did I mention thugs?  The cops were always around in the parking lot...just chillin, waiting for action and they got it aplenty.  From Thurs - Saturday, it was a show to see, man.  I have friends who STILL go there to this day.

It did have its share of entertainment.  Let me break it down for you:

A) Every time I was there, a fight would break out.  I mean EVERY DAMN TIME...100% Satisfaction Guaranteed!  Cops were only a heartbeat away.

B) 80% of the weekly fights were by chicks!  You know what that means...100% chance of NO MEN in street clothes breaking it up.  Hello New Paltz PD.  Also the 99.9% chance of boobs popping out.  It's scientific man.  A proven theory.  Don't believe? Take notice...when dudes fight at Joe's, they get broken up...FAST.  Shhhh...you can hear someone saying right now, "What the f**k are you doing!?  Ya'll supposed to be BOYS!!! Damn Man!!!"  
BUT when the ladies fight, you hear this:  "YO! Back up! They gotta work this out themselves!"  Scientifically, this can easily be translated to: "We may see boobs & they may even make out.!"

C) Someone you know is gonna get kicked out of this place one way or another.  Why? Because half of the people in this place you ALREADY know.  The reason is not important...grabbin an ass, randomly grinding on some person you NEVER met, you just SAW them or puking off the balcony (a local favorite), which leads me to what I have helmed simply  the "Joe's Effect".  The "Joe's Effect" is...

D) ...YOU WILL ALWAYS RUN INTO AN EX HERE.  This will happen on any given night.  Shit, this can happen EVERY night.  "WTF is she/he doing here?  Aww damn!...are they looking at me? Why am I wearing this shirt?" Once again proven and studied.  I should get a Nobel prize in Urban Social Sciences.  

There was always one of my boys with the "We gotta go to Joe's!" suggestion that later on turns to "Why the f**k is that bitch here?" even though he's dancing with some other chick.  Someone's going home alone.  This place is a magnet for people you used to sleep with.  Why do you ask?  Because you met them here, asshole!

FYI - In the past 5-6 years, Joe's now has line dancing night & country radio station night.  My wife went to a bachelorette party there just over a year ago.  This place went from THUG CENTRAL to people line dancing to Michael Jackson's Thriller.  I cannot make this shit up.  

Thriller.  

Muthafukkin Thriller.

Joe's East West - your first dance club and exposure to upstate NY's premier gangsta life. *snicker*