New Tops Bar

When frank drinks:

One to three drinks: frank becomes suave, debonair, talkative, smiley.  His testicles grow by about fifty percent.

Four to six drinks: frank becomes completely invulnerable to not only emotional and verbal abuse, but to brass knuckles, knives, and bullets.  He saves an average of three to seventeen lives in this state of intoxication and is often confused for a bull.

Six to nine drinks: frank is literally enveloped by an aura of light allowing him to levitate and have sex with women without physically having sex with women.

Nine to twelve drinks: frank has been pushed over the limit.  His aura fades and he's mistaken for a black hole leading directly to Malebolge, the eighth circle of hell.  Liquor takes control of his brain releasing his inner demons who begin to claw their way out of his body through his stomach.  

A pint of vodka and on: frank begins talking to a hole in a tree thinking he's pleading to the reaper to end his misery.  

By this point, frank is desperately squinting his eyes in a stupid attempt to keep them from popping from their sockets.  He suggests exploring bars no person should visit in a neighborhood rife with gunshots and, possibly, ghosts.  No liquor, so he nurses a four dollar Negra Modelo which he can't afford but it's okay because the bartenders are damned awesome.  He stares blankly at a couple or two dancing to Mexican music by the booths and a pool table and begins crying because he can't stand up and he thinks his skin is crawling off his body.

He leaves with his friends who suggest getting the hell out of there because LAPD detectives are driving by making their rounds searching for criminals after last call.

Another bar frank loves but you will hate.

Some how I put the following review under The Glendale "Tops"  - both of them are beer only. And both of them are Mexican style bars...
So, I'm fixing up the reviews. If you haven't been to this one - then here you go. If you have been to the one in Glendale and were wondering what the hell I was talking about - then go to that review.

Crazy bar that no on would be caught dead going to? We've been there... Of course I was the first one there. 6:30pm and it was empty... This is beer only - so brace yourself... i don't really have a problem with that unless its your typical Mexican bar, which this one is. In general, it seems to me that they are all tap-less and the selection is limited... this was no exception...

Its a longish bar with plenty of booths along the wall... looks like they have bands on the weekend - not sure what they do with the pool table... Black and White checker board floor - watch for the slight incline... Smoking area on the side by the men's washroom...

Also, they have a Buddha - its a shame its behind the bar!