White Castle System

Not all fairy tales end happily ever after.

As a transplanted native son of the Midwest, one of the greatest shames in life was that, until today, I had never eaten at a White Castle. Back home in Texas, we do not have White Castle, except for the version found in the frozen food section at the supermarket. But those couldn't possibly be indicative of the real White Castle slider... could it?

Today, the 32 year stay in hamburger purgatory ended. While in town for a convention, my buddy and I arrived at the white faux-masonry mecca that is White Castle. We ordered the #7, which gave us 10 sliders, 2 orders of fries, and 2 sodas. As we drove back to our hotel, the anticipation built to a level I had not felt since Ralphie was about to take the first shot with his Red Ryder BB Gun in A Christmas Story. Finally, we arrived at the hotel, and eagerly dug into our long awaited fare. I took a slider out. I bit into it. I chewed. I swallowed. I died a little on the inside.

What I learned today is that the sliders from White Castle taste exactly like a reheated frozen mini cheeseburger that sat in the microwave for at least 5 minutes after it was done, and was then reheated a second time. I have no idea how they managed to achieve that consistency, because I saw them throw these things on the grill in the back. At least, I thought that's what I saw. Perhaps the entire thing is an intricate house of mirrors, and the entire production staff at White Castle is actually one guy with a microwave and an endless stack of frozen White Castle boxes. Regardless, their burgers were a lukewarm limp mess, and the aftertaste was so bad that it could not be alleviated until we busted out the fudgcicles we'd bought at the grocery store earlier.

If anything, today's White Castle experience was a wake up call after a 32 year nap. It goes to show you that just because something has a cult following, it doesn't mean it's any good. White Castle may be good after a long night of drinking, or after going 10 rounds with Puff the Magic Dragon. The reality though is that I'm not drunk, I'm not stoned, and White Castle tastes like a wet cardboard sandwich. And so, I sit here, a disillusioned soul with a bad taste in my mouth both literally and figuratively.  Perhaps one day White Castle will see the error of their ways and offer up a slider that is, in the very least edible. I hope that does happen, but unfortunately, it'll be at least another 32 years before I ever find out.

Well, to Andy G. visiting.  Hats off to you for an honest review.  -but one thing you have to understand is that it's an aquired taste!  Everyone here has known White Castle since they were young. (if they're older)  Well granted, many people have never tried and many people don't like.  -but for some people that were dirt poor in college, or in the 60''s & needed a fill up, know ramen noodles and white castle sandwiches.  (now it's burritos as big as your head).  My brother (65yr old native Hoosier) flys in from California, and demands a stop at the white castle on the way to my home.  Then hits it a couple of times in his 2wk visit.  You have to know -- IT IS THE ORIGINAL SLIDER.
This is all in fun you know, and Hats Off to you for bringing the truth to Indiana!