Africana Cafe

So first of all, it seems like a neat place - a bit of a different atmosphere.  I was digging it until I saw the manager walking around with her crying baby (which we had to listen to for most of our visit).  Well, whatever, we already got the groupon so lets see how the food is.  We both asked for two honey wines, two of the meat combination plates.

10 minutes to get seated in an almost-empty restaurant, 15 minutes to get our glasses of wine, and another 20-30 minutes to bring out the food.  Meanwhile, we watched the table behind us (started out as one man who came in just before us, who then had three other friends join up later) all get their meals.  This was all before we even got the wine.  While waiting, we also saw them put together eight total takeout boxes for other people who came in after us.  

Eventually, after about an hour of being there, we got our food.  The portions were RIDICULOUSLY small.  The combination plate shared between the two of us had one hard-boiled egg, one small chicken leg each, and two other kinds of meat servings.  To give you an idea of how small these other two meat portions were, I ate one of them in two bites and another in three.  I resorted to eating all of the bread they served to try and fill my stomach, but we still ended up getting something else after we left the restaurant.  By the way, the "coffee" that was included with the group- on was equivalent to measuring out a shot-glass worth of coffee, then splitting that between the two of us.  Don't get the group- on, the price of everything you get added up doesn't come close to the value.

By the way, remember that baby I mentioned at the beginning?  The "manager" was handing her baby off to the waitress whenever she had to go talk to a customer or take a phone call.  I didn't see the waitress wash her hands again afterwards.  

Never going back.

Edit: Today (the day after), my girlfriend has profuse watery diarrhea and vomiting; I had nausea/malaise the whole day.  Again, if you DO happen to go there, make sure whoever's touching your food/plate hasn't been holding the baby in the restaurant.

I'm not reviewing the food, since it's pretty much the same as you would get at any of the other 800 Ethiopian restaurants in the neighborhood.

The bar/club, however, deserves some mention. Africana Café's hours are about as reliable as an African government. Some Saturdays you go there and it's a raging party, others it's shuttered and you feel there must be a different kind of party going on in the back room - someone found out one of the waitresses is an Oromo, and she just became the guest of honor at the panga party. Better not to attend that party, not unless you want your perception of "the good old days" severely damaged.

Honestly, it's just kind of surreal. Outside of Dudley Moore, I've never encountered a people so fond of wearing suits, yet so inept at finding suits that fit them correctly. Nor are there more beautiful women in the world - in fact, the opportunities for leering kind of make up for the general weirdness. Seriously, these Habesha girls look like someone reached into the collective unconscious, pulled out an ancestral goddess figure that was hard-wired into our DNA, and fashioned a woman out of it. Throw in a dress shorter than the rule of the average African dictator and a cheek packed with khat and voila, the world's perfect woman. Best part? If you get too drunk to drive home, the place is already full of cab drivers.

Outstanding lunch (had the tibs and vegetarian combo). Authentic Ethiopian, with plenty of cultural atmosphere. I'll be back.