Scoreboards Cafe

West Haven.

Campbell Ave.

Need I say more?

I can't even begin to rationalize why this place is called a cafe, granted I was here at midnight on July 3rd, I did NOT see any sort of resemblance to a cafe. It was like The Old Stag but with a "live dj". The idea of them serving food made me wince. The crowd was "bumpin'" to the smooth sounds of DJ Flash while he played what appeared to be JAMN 94.5 hits from 2003. SO BABY GIRL PUT IT ON MAYYYYYY-HEE-YEAH YEAHHHHHH. Chubby girls booty shaking behind me with men who looked like they could be their Uncle Carlos (licking their lips). It was almost like they somehow assembled the entire cast of the Blue Line and got them to all pile on down to West Haven, CT for one night of boogeying down to the sounds of Ja Rule and the Save the Last Dance soundtrack.

The drinks were cheap, $6 for a stoli and redbull wasn't anything to complain about. I expected Sandstorm to come blasting out the 17" amp nestled on the floor under the DJ booth. The "DJ Booth" consisted of a card table adorned with a red checked plastic table cloth and a cd player. Our DJ looked like a Soprano's cast member. You know, Uncle Alphie? Works in Waste Management? DJ's 3 nights a week at Scoreboards in West Haven? Keeps a cigarette behind his ear?

I then went to the bathroom at the back of the bar, where I had to walk by the mens room which consisted of a single toilet. I only know this because the man using the bathroom had the door wide open while he stood aside the porcelain chariot. I didn't see any peen.

When I returned and rejoined our party, DJ Flash was now making an attempt to scratch during a remix of  "Everytime we touch", someone really should've told him that the sound of a cd skipping isn't really the same of scratching vinyl. In fact, Jer did tell him, which resulted in having Uncle Alphie flipping him the bird and telling him to f*off. Maybe you'll find someone named Julius' phone number on a table and decide to call him and find out where the after party is. Maybe.