Swallows Inn

HEY!!!!!                    PILGRIM!!!!!!
Ya want one of the BESTEST things you can do in Southern California???
OK, follow these directions IMPLICITLY!!!  Doesn't matter WHERE you get on Amtrak's "Pacific Surfliner" (I suggest from San Diego), but take it to San Juan Capistrano.  The earlier you get there, the better.  "I" think they should re-name it the "Bloody Mary Express"...  Lets just say you plan the "Perfect" day and get there about 11 am.  Go to the restaurant there at the station, the one thats in an old Railroad Car, and get your FIRST Bloody Mary, maybe two.  Now, go to the west across the tracks.  This is the Los Rios part of town..  Been here since GOD knows when...  From the earliest of California's settling..  Have breakfast...  Stumble around, go get Aunt Bertie the coolest little metal Garden art around.  Take your time, you've got ALL flippin' day!!  The folks here are glad to see you..  Don't be suprised to see Huell Howser, but Huell don't know Blooma's (Bloody Marys).  NOW, your ready!!  Go back across the tracks, straight ahead, THERE IT IS!!!

"Swallows Inn"...  Prepare yourself..  I first came here with an old friend of mine who was a "Local" from down at Dana Point Harbor..  A true Pirate that looked like Yosemite Sam..  LOVED that man!!  Get a Blooma, get TWO!!!  NOW, get'cher History Hat on...  Go on up and see the Mission a block away...  This is where the swallows came to.  Real stuff here, significant historical evidence is EVERYWHERE you look..  Fountains, benches, Swallow droppings...  Take in all that you can, maybe have lunch.. NOW, head back to "SWALLOWS INN!!"  Hahaaaaaa..  Someday, this establishment will be PART of the Mission tour...  Have whatever your personal makeup is willing to handle, BECAUSE, you are gettin' back on the train..

NAP-TIME!!!!!!  Find a nice, quiet corner on the train and NAP...  Get amorous or whatever you WANT to do...  Just relax and enjoy the ride..  Try this recipe/prescription and see if you aren't appreciative that a day like this is still available to you!!  Hopefully, at the end of your train ride is a well planned out Hotel (with a hot tub) within walking distance.. Ya did it Pilgrim..  You are a member...
Don't forget to get T-shirts, bumper stickers, and to leave your date's Bra, ALL at "Swallows Inn"....

This place has some history!  Been around a long time and has the photos on the wall to show for it.  Their drinks are strong...the music is live and fun!  If you are a serious country dancer, probably not the best place.  It's a smaller dance floor and a free-for-all most nights.  It gets crowded on the weekends.  If you do Karaoke they have it weekly too.  The food is bar food, but it will get through the evening.  Gals...wear a bra you don't mind leaving behind....you can just chuck them up on the ceiling.  Porn in the bathrooms...it goes both ways so don't be too shocked when you use the restroom ladies!  It's there for us too.  I have even seen a horse go half way into the bars front door.  That was a sight to see!  Dive bar?  Oh yes.  Worth going, YES!  Long live Swallow's Inn.

Great dive bar. Bring cash and your cowboy hat...