"I'm gunna pop my butt-cherry tonight gurl." - Stranger in line
"Hold up, my wig is trying to make out with my eyebrows" - drag queen at door
"Can you step on my foot. No, it's okay... these are old shoes." - male stripper
"How sluttly do I have to sound to get a drink around here!?" - guy at bar
"I never pee like this at home" - guy in bathroom