Dave's On Broadway

JOHN DOE is your typical Joe six-pack American; an average Joe with a Joe Schmo job and a Joe Blow life (don't interchange the last two, smart Aleck). When he first started dating his plain-Jane girlfriend Jane Doe, she appeared to be full of Joy. But after a year of living together, she turned into a Debbie downer, a negative Nancy, and a nervous Nellie all rolled into Juan.

Last night John came home and found a Dear John letter Bobby-pinned to the Tiffany lamp on his antique spinning Jenny. According to the letter, Jane had been sharing her Kitty-Cat with every Tom, Dick and Harry in the apartment complex and now she was gonna Skip town with some hairy Dick named Tommy who was working as a Mason after years of flying Twin Hueys for Uncle Sam.

John put the letter away and quietly made himself dinner: a Caesar's salad, a Sloppy Joe, and an Arnold Palmer. For dessert, he had double Margaritas and Bloody Marys until it was time to Ralph sloppy-Joe-upChuck all over the John. The following afternoon he had a cup of Joe and a nervous breakdown. He was about to slip himself a Mickey and drive off a Cliff but his two Buddies Lazy Louie and Layabout Larry showed up just in the Nick of time.

"Jeez Louise, are you Joshing me with this gloomy Gus routine?" said Larry, "You're Scott free now!"

"To the Max!" added Louie, "You should be Johnny-on-the spot shaggin' Sheilas!"

After a few hours, they restored his Faith and Hope in humanity and convinced him to go out and party like Disco Dave till the break of Dawn. John got all dapper Dan in his best duds and they took him to Taylor's in Ktown for steaks and Brandy, then over to Hank's Bar for Rob Roys and Harvey Wallbangers. At the end of the night, they found themselves at a Dusty Ben known as Dave's in the Dale of Glen, and when John ran up to the KJ booth to put his name on the karaoke list, he noticed SIX other crooners waiting ahead of him: some Herb named Amos was singing "Maria" by Ricky Martin; Mitchell was doing "Peggy Sue" by Buddy Holly; Stewart was signed up to Wade through his rendition of "Marianne" by Tori Amos; Paula had "Amelia" by Joni Mitchell; Martin was doing "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart; and Rikki, Hollie, Joanie, Buddy, Rodd and Torrey were all gonna Chip in on a group version of "Hey Paula" by Paul and Paula.

Joe and company took a seat at the bar and started a Tab. In his Ken, John spotted a Bonnie Angel in a Lacy Heather Gray top and a Ruby red skirt. "Mary Magdalene full of Grace!" he blurted, "did Cupid just Grant me a Venus?"

"That's right, Junior," said Larry, "now stop staring like a Randy peeping Tom and go get Gabby with her."

"I'm a Tad Rusty," he admitted, "I May not know what to say."

"Just be Frank with her. Think of her as a hot tart on a lazy Susan just waiting to get picked up."

"Nah, she's got a prima Donna attitude. I can tell."

"For Pete's sake," interrupted Louie, "stop being a doubting Thomas and go talk to that Betty!"

"Yeah, Nancy boy - move it!"

John Rose to his feet like Billy badass and approached her. He gave her a Pat on the back and she turned around with a Flip of her Tawny hair. "Doe ... John Doe," he said as her Hazel eyes stared blankly at him with complete disinterest. "Also known as John Q. Public," he added... to more silent disinterest. "Not exactly a chatty Cathy are you?"

"Hit the road, Jack," she replied in a Curt manner.

"I just came over to tell you that you have sexy legs ..." he said as she Drew her eyelids together, glaring suspiciously, "... what time do they open?" And with a sudden Sally of rage she stepped forward and kneed him right in his Jimmy sack.

"Great Scott!" he squealed as he doubled over in pain, all Misty-eyed -- grabbing his Peter. He could feel a Charlie horse growing on his Jewels as he slowly limped back to his Buddies, who had erupted in a Gale of laughter.

"What in Sam Hill was that?!" they teased, "That was so Raven, Slick Rick!!"

"I think she left a Mark," groaned John to more laughter. "If that Millie broke my Willy I'm gonna Sue her and get Rich."

Just then, straight out of the Norm, an onlooker drinking a Martini with no Olive, put a Stella and a shot of Jack on his Bill and had it delivered to John out of Ruth. The fellas didn't recognize who the generous stranger was at first because he was wearing a ball cap, but he turned out to be a pretty famous Guy. I would tell you who he was but I'm not a name dropper like that.

I won't judge this as a "Glendale bar" because I haven't been to many bars in Glendale.  I'll judge it relative to all the other bars I've been to in my life.  If I do that then I gotta rank this up way at the top.

If you're a Valley regular it'll remind you a little of The Barrel.  For the Westsiders it's similar to Mom's and Backstage without the large dance area.

The bar is LOADED with all sorts of booze and there's ample bowls of bar snacks spread out with free hot dogs on certain nights.  There's a couple of TVs for games and a couple of touch screen video game systems is you're a loner.  However, the bartenders are all friendly and are more than happy to keep you company.

The seating is pretty good for small or big groups but the bar is on the smaller side so don't try to host a class reunion here.

I'm there mostly on Mondays after bowling and that's either live band or karaoke night.  The karaoke is casual and fun and the bands are usually pretty entertaining.  I saw Gemeni here for the first time and they're a great sister act.

No food is served, other than those hot dogs and snacks, so plan to eat before or after you come.  

There's a tiny parking lot next door that might be a little awkward to navigate so find some street parking or be sneaky and park in the court parking lot across the street.

If you ever see me there in my bowling shirt mention this review and I'll buy you a shot of pomegranate tequila!

To quote a good friend, "It's got that dive bar feel without being 'stabby'."

I don't know how better to say it. The Karaoke was fun, the KJ was friendly and awesome, and the bartender was  super old school.

They had a great regular named jukebox Eric who had to be in his 80s (probably in the 1980s) but he was still crooning it up.

I'd come back here anytime.