Been here quite a few times now. So far every single time i've been here I have not been displeased.
I enjoy the fact that security is checking ID's right at the door. The bartenders always greet you when you walk in the door. There are plenty of tables to sit at if you choose not to take advantage of the dance floor. They have about 4-5 darts games to play, a pinball machine, a jukebox/photobooth (that sends the pictures instantly to your email or facebook your choice) Also they do have a pool table in the back past the dancefloor and an outdoor patio for smoking.
Zephyr has been a great bartender, offering drink suggestions, being friendly and attentitve. What more can you ask for?
All in all my only complaint is the restrooms, not the best but what hole in the wall bar really has a superb bathroom? LoL.
Dont always believe what people say. You gotta check it for yourself. Being new to the bay area, its alright. Has a strong sports bar vibe to it. The bartenders are pretty and really friendly. Crowds mostly stick to themselves and are quite chill. Went during the week, have yet to try out the weekend.
Review Source:We went to check it out because we were bored. But when we got there we realized that it is a horrible place, the bartender is a bitch. Followed us to where we went to sit to yell out "where are your IDs?" Just because we weren't of her race, she didn't need to be rude or racist. That's how it made me feel. Wouldn't accept a passport from another country, only "IDs" because that is "their policy." When we asked her what they did when people from other countries went, she had the nerve to say, " That almost never happens, if it does, they are much older so we don't need to ask for their IDs. Seriously? That place is hella ghetto. Wouldn't have stayed anyways. Don't recommend it at all!!
Review Source:Check it out. This Place is an awesome Neighborhood spot in the Heart of tha Haystack. From Country music on the jukebox ( I'm listening 2 John Conlee now! lol) to Hip Hop on Dance Nights, to Bikers and EVERYTHANG in between! We're really All just One Big Disfunctional Family! :) Gotta Love tha Stack! Oh! Don't forget grilled Ribeye Dinners on Mondays and PokeChopz on Fridayz!!!! 5 Bonez!!!! WHAT!!! ?? :) yep yep.. Off tha chain!
Last but NOT LEAST, be SURE and ask for Zephyr, she makes AMAZING Martinis! And best of all, she ENJOYS it!! :) I Totally Dig and Recommend this place! :)
Say whatever you want about this place, but if you're from the area, you cannot deny that you've been here a few times, freaked on the dance floor, got pushed and shoved a little (maybe even into a fight), and leaned against the pool table.
It's not the best place to be. Â The bathrooms are dirty (only ONE for women. Seriously?!) and you might even see your friend's mom from the hood hanging out here, but it is home.
I haven't been here in 2+ years because of the police activity that seems to constantly take place outside the Funky Monkey (or rather, because of the criminal activities that lead to a dozen police cars).
Not really a safe place for a ladies' night out.
If I want to go somewhere divey for karaoke, I'd rather go to Guido's. If I want to go somewhere good, I won't be in Hayward.
Last night some friends and I decided to go downtown because we wanted to stay local. The plan was to go to Bijou, but when we got there the line was huge and they weren't letting any more people in. "What the hell? Since when does Hayward get like this," were my initial thoughts. So we decided to walk down to ME Lounge, but that line was damn near around the corner. By then it was 11:30 and we didn't feel like driving any where else so we turned to Plan C, The Funky Monkey.
Damn, where do I begin. As we were walking in we were told there was a one drink minimum, which wasn't bad because I was gonna get a couple anyway. No cover charge. We waited at the bar for like 10 minutes and finally got our drinks. I got a Crown and Coke for $7, not bad. The bartender was cool, she made our drinks pretty strong.
We then made our way towards the tiny dance floor. I felt like I was playing Call of Duty at this point, avoiding land mines every where I walked. We finally got to the dance floor and it didn't get any better. I felt overdressed as hell, since most people were in tees and sneakers. I'm not usually one to judge, but damn, I don't think I've ever seen this many ugly people under one roof in my life. I don't think getting wasted would have helped either because after three Long Islands every one looked just as ugly. There was a photographer walking around trying to snap pictures but eventually gave up and stood in the DJ booth. It seems more people were trickling in from Bijou and ME because they were just as overdressed, and just as disgusted.
I felt kinda bad for the DJ, because he was playing good Hip-Hop. The only reason I'm giving this spot two stars is because there was good music and the drinks were on point. Didn't witness any fights either. Other than that, never make this an option when going out...
Have you ever hung out with your friends at the house and said, "ya know what, we should go out and get stabbed tonight?" If so? This is your new place!
I feel bad giving this place 2 stars and I see a lot of people gave it 1. The bartenders are perfectly nice and the drinks are nice. Its just the ghetto ass people there. I've been there 3 times and seen fights twice - and almost got in a fight the other. I'm not being funny either, I had a drink in my hand, a guy backed into me and said I better buy him a drink to make up for "my" mistake or else he'd kick my ass. I told him to make like a tree and fuck off. He proceeded to threaten my friends with the same.
People here just want to get drunk and fight, like Irish people, but more homicidal.
Avoid it like the fucking plague.
Can you give a half star rating?
Not my typical area, but I was meeting another female friend.
I don't know if it was the night that we went or if it's always this way but I felt naked walking through the place and honestly couldn't get five feet without another guy "tryna holla".
Good drinks, thumbs up for a bartender that knows how to pour but HELL TO THA NO for the clientele.
When the bouncer looks at you and says " You going in, alone?" that should be a dead give away.
Blerg. My first review of the new year is a 1 star! Wish it didn't have to be, in truth this place not only deserves 0 stars, but should be shut down for good. Oh wait, they are shut down as of last night.
Went there with a few friends, a few friends of friends, a few "hey didn't we go to college togethers" Â and a whole lot of hood-tastic folks I didn't want anything to do with.
Sign on the bar informed us they were closing for 30 days (that's an ABC suspension) and tonight all beers were $2. So should I have been surprised that the group of "gangstars" who had been playing the punching bag strength test video game all night eventually started a fight with some random bystander...sadly no. The only thing more disheartening than that, the bar staff just shrugged it off as man lay bleeding on the floor and felt no need to intervene or phone the cops.
I hope it stays shut forever, but if it does re-open anytime soon, avoid at all costs, unless you like being a victim of assault.
I'm all for hole in the wall bars, but this place is straight up GHETTO!! You really got to watch out here because the type of patrons that frequent this bar are the type of people looking for trouble. They look for any reason to start shit or fight with you.
I was waiting in line for the bathroom and I guess whoever was in there took awhile so the group of girls ahead of me started banging on the door and the two girls in the bathroom gave them attitude and a fight broke out. There was a woman security guard right near the bathroom which leads me to believe fights between girls break out there often.
Also, they charge an arm a leg for drinks and what's up with those plastic red cups? You can't afford glasses? Truly GHETTO
funky monkey is a pretty spacious bar with a large dance floor, a long bar, a pool table. karaoke on certain nights.
flatscreen: sports
sampling blue moon(4) kind of flat
hops:
-older men crowd, mainly white
-working, construction type patrons
-red neck and obama jokes can be heard.
-bartender friendly, (as usual) patrons indifferent.
-lots of parking. doubtful return.
Went to the m0nk last weekend. I guess they have a few new bartenders? Well this bartender was a total bitch. I guess since they have mostly ghetto trash for patrons they figure that everyone they deal with is a total loser. The way that the bartender(s) (in the end there were two) talked to me and my BF the other night was enough for me and my suppressed ghetto-ness to bust out and drag that little pixie looking nymph and her "boss" over the top of the bar.
A mistake was made by her and her counterpart, her boss found out, and the pixie got caught - then later tried mouth off at us for it when we went up to the bar to get another drink. My group spent over $300 there that night. WTF?
But I held my class - because really... who gets in a fight at a bar anyway. Gross. I kept my thoughts to myself, this place is going to shit. I highly doubt we'll be back here again.
(PS - the place IS NOT FREE to get in. They charge $5.00 to GET IN on Fri/Sat night!)
I give 5 stars is for the SBC DJ Rick Lee...
Other than that, it's damn FUNKY in there when it gets really hot. They need a good ventilation. It's free to get in but damn, the line to get drinks is ridiculous. I ordered AMF but that shit was fucking nasty, waaay too much gin and the little plastic clear cup is not crackin'. They need more than one bathroom for the ladies. That toilet gets clogged up too. Damn!
one word to describe Ewwww!
I've been here many times despite the fact it has the EWWWW factor. When I walk in I definitely feel like fresh meat walking through lion's den...pretty scary on some nights....the music is ok, Â i can say i would give the female bartenders about 3 stars because they are really sweet and give great service, but the rest of the joint....smelly, small, crowded with sweaty dancers....YUCK!
the single bathroom is a nightmare! 3 and 4 women chatting and doing who knows what while i'm about to pee my pants outside is absolutely NO FUN! and it's even better when some dumb person desides to flush something besides toilet paper and the shit gets clogged.....
it's worth it really to avoid this place!
Im gonna go ahead and give em 5 stars. Eff it. Â Youre in Hayward! If you go on a rowdy night, youre gonna have a rowdy crowd, duh! Spankys in CASTRO VALLEY has just as many fights, cops (Hello, castro valley=sheriffs) and that bullshit. Go to Funky Monkey for Monday night football. Grab a beer or drink with a bunch of football fans, get in a friendly debate over your fave team, (GO NINERS!!) and pay 5 bucks for a steak dinner that rivals a local restaurant. The old people during the day are the way old people at a bar during the day should be: entertaining, so get off your high horse and grab a beer in your free time, if youre lucky youll meet the owner, Jo, Shes the shit.
If you dont wanna dance, or be crowded and deal with the delinquency, dont go on Rick Lee night, duh.
THIS BAR IS ABOUT AS LOW LIFE AS IT GETS...from the Thursday August 13, 2009 Hayward Daily Review...
"POLICE ARREST THREE IN BAR SKIRMISH"
Two women and a man were arrested early Saturday after an assault at the Funky Monkey bar on Main Street turned into an altercation between bar patrons and officers, police said. Police arrived at the bar, which is on Main between A and B streets, at 12:52 AM after hearing that a woman there had been struck in the face with a bottle. As they tried to get in, a large group began leaving the bar and yelling profanities and threats at the officers, police said.'One female turned around, bent over and exposed herself to officers,' said Sgt. Steve Brown, who added that police brought on a SUPPORT VAN and formed a "skirmish line' to disperse the crowd of more than 100. Brown said the woman violently resisted arrest and tried to strike an officer, while another attempted to grab a nightstick from another officer."
The article goes on to mention several women were arrested (ya think!) on  a number of various charges including inciting a riot.
Here is my key word list for this dump to make it easy for you...
Crack/Meth heads
Old tired Uncle Roy's crowd
Nasty attitudes
An owner with NO class (see a few of the other posts here)
Don't support this bar! Hayward is attempting to get the downtown area headed in a positive direction with the new upscale Bijou restaurant and movie theater on B Street. I have written the Daily Review and am calling on SOMEONE in Hayward City (Lazy/out of touch) Council to take proactive steps to close this dump down. From the countless police calls to this establishment and the fact that the FM is still doing business, it kind of looks like the owner is greasing the palms of some higher ups.
Just came back from here tonight....can I say ghetto! This was my 1st experience here....and I already knew it would be ghetto.
Big ass fight and even after the security and cops came that wasn't enough...the ghetto ass crowd started a whole damn bar fight against the cops. Several people called for more 911 back up. Why are people so ghetto? Â Do they not have respect for anything? This will be my last time at this place or any bar that's located in Hayward.
This place only cracks on weekend, recently DJ Rick Lee spins here on weekends. Weekdays you would have a strange crowd but other then that come early on weekend cuz it gets packed real quick!
Bartender constantly changes up here =T
Drinks here is okay depending who is the bartender but damn im getting hungarian writting this here brb later haha
This review is for karaoke only, on Sunday and Monday nights.
Does it have bad feng shui or what? Â The other singers were good, the KJ was friendly enough, but I'm sorry, this place has a hella weird vibe... Â the layout is less than ideal for karaoke. Â I was freezing. Â The smoking patio opens onto the karaoke area, and the smoke drifts inside, leaving me feeling drenched in smoke.
I would be hard pressed to recommend this place... might try going back one more time, but the last time we went, as we tried to leave, the security guy said, "No you have to stay inside for a while... there is police action outside." Â Holy sh!t he wasn't kidding. When we were finally released, there were maybe 20 B&W's, lights flashing, surrounding the place and the adjacent parking lot.
The Funky Monkey is not as horrible as people make it seem to be. Let me justify why.
Location: slightly random, but it was safe enough for Hayward
Atmosphere: its a cross between sports, karaoke and lounge
People: diverse, fairly young except for a few random groups
Bartenders/Drinks: really nice/accomodating and really good, decent size AND cheap ($5 or so)
Cleanliness: surprisingly really clean. The floor was not sticky, the bar was constantly wiped off, empty glasses taken back
Bathroom: well supplied! From the toilet paper, handsoap to the seat covers, everything was there. It was really clean.
I enjoyed this place. I'd come back eventually.
I recently spoke to someone that made me think of this place (we had a very rememberable event there) so I figured I'd give this place my honest review.
Funky Monkey is not one of the best bars in the bay area, but for what it's worth...it's a decent hang out. The lack of close parking is annoying, as you have to park in the parking lot across the street. It would be a lot nicer if you could actually park within a 10-25 step walk of the place. And the crosswalk you have to cross to get there is not exactly well marked, and it's quite easy for you to get hit.
The bar it's self...well it's alright. They have a few arcade games (which I don't remember off hand...been quite a while since I have been there) and they have one pool table. I love pool, so any bar that has a pool table (or even better, multiple pool tables) gets a few good points with me. I believe they have karaoke every night, which is either hit or miss. Some people should never sing karaoke...and they all seem to flock to the Funky Monkey.
The bar atmosphere is pretty laid back, and majority of the people who choose to hang out there are in their mid to late twenties, which I actually find appealing. The bar tenders...well the ones I dealt with are nice, and know their alcoholic beverages...which is always a plus in my book.
The main downsides to this place is...it's just not memorable. There is nothing really at this bar that really stands out and makes you want to come back. Everything about this bar is mediocre at best. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but you always want some sort of reason to keep coming back to a particular place. Funky Monkey doesn't provide that.
All in all, Funky Monkey is a mediocre bar. It has it's good points and it's bad points. It's not a bar I'd recommend, but it's not a bar I would say to avoid. At best, Funky Monkey is just okay.
I only go into the FM because my husband is friends with the owner. Â It was tonga night and for me, it reminded me of my experience when I went to dance on Soul Train. (seriously). Â I'm a short white chick with a short dress and a shiny purse and matching shoes. One of the tongan chicks was escorted out for starting a fight. Nothing against tongans but I pretty much stuck out like a sore thumb. Â I give the owner kudos for makin' work though. Â Whatever you can do to pack the place.
Review Source:i used to love partying it here when it was known as "club rumour"...oooh la la....  it was a gay fun and chill...drinks at either bar (front or back) a large accomodating a large  patio with heaters, chairs and tables.  The music was a mix of hip hop, reggae, pop etc... on certain nights the guys would come out and give you a strip tease.... that was fun...
i've been there since its changeover and its ehhhh.... Â i'm not too sure if its a nightly thing but they demand a 10 dollar cover charge just to get into the bar..(are you kidding me!) i esp. dont like going there on those "tongan" crowd nights (im tongan) because the dj plays the same set every 20 mins, the crowd is full of geezers that wanna be young or youngersters that want to hook up with the geezers.. ick.
the layout for the place remains the same but i miss the olden days...
there is however a delicious bartender there with dreds... yuuum... if anyone knows him, give him a big fat kiss from me!!! whooo hooo
When it was a gay bar my friend Jenn and I could go in there and get drinks and not be bothered. Although once we may have been roofied once which is beyond any explanation I can come up with.
It's the kind of place I can run into an old high school friend and when I ask what he's been up to he tells me just got out of prison (true story)
Since the change over (to straight bar) I have been there half a dozen times and only for one reason, Big Mike. Â He is the karaoke host who jumped ship from Uncle Roy's to the FM and he is my only reason to stop by. Â Hands down the biggest selection of music any karaoke DJ has in the bay area. Â I'm only giving this place two stars because of Big Mike.
I lived in Hayward for years and no offense to all the cool and interesting people that live there, but that town is full of seedy folks and the downtown bar scene is pretty miserable. When the Bistro closes it's time to go home.
OK, so this place is not exactly a Mensa meeting. In the few times I have been in there, I was fairly certain I was the only one with a college degree. I was also certain that I was the only one who was sober.
As in most bars, there is usually a 9 to 1 ratio of men to women in here.
An old lady once initiated a conversation with me by announcing that she used to be a "pecker checker" for the US Navy. I think its fair to say that she is not the type that  blushes very easily.
Nope, this place is just way too cheezy for me.
Again, I wrote this for Uncle Roy's, and now I'm writing it for FM.
This is, ALWAYS WILL BE, a regular's bar. Maybe because you have no know the people, and be cool wth all of them, to really have a good time.
I agree with the girl below who said it felt safe to walk down Main st. between "A" and "B" with The Turf Club, and Club Rumors. BUT, I'll also agree when I say this isn't Kansas anymore. These bars are attracting a younger crowd, and the older are getting pushed out. If you can't keep up, get the hell out of the race.
Of course you have to GO WITH FRIENDS........... who the hell goes to a bar alone now a days anyways? Unless you're a complete loner in your life, or some wierd guy lookin for his next girl to bug, you usually tend to go with friends.
I didn't like the chnge at first either, but hey, it's all about supply, demand, and cash. The coming generation seems to have more of it, and are willing to throw it away on alcohol quicker than anything. Why wouldn't the owner want more cash?
Actually I haven't been there yet, but will be for a party, but whats the deal with a cover charge? Â We left because there was one, not that I cared, but my friends did, LOL why do people open a bar, and just because it gets poppin, they want to make some extra cash? Â I wouldn't mind if it was more professional, but some big guy @ the door asking for a cover charge is stupid, especially when he's obviously letting some people in for free, Hella dumb :P::..If there gonna charge, make EVERYONE pay..::
added 07/2007....okay i went t there, and i didn't have to pay, but thats because I knew someone that was having a party there (what about everyone else) It was pretty cool, although there should really be better seating, like there should be leather upholstery seats against the walls, so that will prevent grouping that causes NO Space!! Â Hello! who wants to see hella breezy's standing in a corner? Â ..........I say they should keep the tables & chairs but just add some benches or couches against the walls, imagine how much better that would be!
This was one of the best 'Gay' bars in Hayward for over 15 years. Now, sadly, it has gone 'Hetro'. The 1 thing I want all the ladies to know: the so-called 'hetro' men whom patronize this place also go across the street to the Wolrd Famous Turf club Bar (Gay) to do some DL 'shopping'. This means the boys are getting serviced by the Gay clientele @ the Turf. I've seen this occur on many occassions in the short time since the Funky Monkey has been open.
Not only that, but I've got quite a few Gay friends myself & they have indeed supported my 'sightings'.
Women, BEWARE!!!!
I am on the fence about the "fabulous" new change to this place, formerly a gay bar called "Club Rumors."
Main Street, in between "A" Street and "B" Street, was -- and always will be, in my mind -- the "gay drag." I loved this stretch of street because, as a woman, it made me feel safe to wander at night between the two bars, Club Rumors (Funky Monkey) and The Turf Club. Now, the vibe has changed...
The first time I went in here I didn't notice the name change (who looks up at a sign that they've read a million times before?). I remember thinking: "boy, this place is way livelier than I remember it." Oftentimes, there was about a crowd of 5, usually older, gay people, dancing in their underwear, drunk out of their minds. But, as I looked around that first night, there was about 20 people standing around drinking, playing pool, or lined up along the bar, and the dance floor was crowded. The bartender -- a cute, little girl in a tube top -- seemed 100% heterosexual and that was my first clue that maybe I wasn't in Kansas anymore. When I started getting hit on by the men, I realized that Club Rumors had gotten a sex change.
Now, I like men. Don't get me wrong. But, when I want to flirt with random guys, I like to go a little further away from home, if you know what I mean. When I go out in my hometown to drink, it's always with the girls for, well, "girl's night."
At any rate, the Funky Monkey has brought in a helluva a lot of heterosexual testosterone. And with that comes:
1.) More bar brawls
2.) More DUI's
3.) More men trying to get laid
4.) More unwanted groping...or worse...
5.) And just plain ole' more stupidity
Beware ladies; the Funky Monkey is no better than Uncle Roy's. The only difference is that it's new (and so attracts more than just local divers) and has less of the bar flies.
-J
Club Rumor (A large, Gay East Bay Dance Club) Is NO LONGER...
It Is ***NOW*** The Funky Monkey (A Karaoke Bar/Club)....
It's a good place to go and chill for just a little bit. Â GO WITH FRIENDS!!!! That is all I need to say... GO WITH FRIENDS!!!! Â Ohh And It's No Longer A Gay Thing... It's A Regular Bar.
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