Kahoots Gentlemens Club

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  I have been to Kahoots twice. Each time I went, it was because I was in love with someone. "Because when you're in love, it just makes you want to eat average food in front of topless women...?" HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?
  
  Visit 1: Some time ago, my girlfriend dumped me. My best friend, that I've known since high school, came in from out of town, and said "Let's fuckin' do shit!" Really, that's what he said. He doesn't swear often, but when he does, he means it. And nothing helps you kill the pain of lost love/make you wish you were dead inside than foods & boobs. I just made that up, and it rhymes. Upon entering, we were greeted by a scantily clad woman, who, of course, wanted us to pay some exorbitant fee to enter. The thing is, you can pay the fee...or maybe you can find a free local newspaper that has a coupon for free admission. Always do the latter...unless your friend is paying. He paid for both of us, and we entered. The place looks like a...bar/strip club. There are lights--possibly purple, as is required by law for gentleman's clubs [I made that up, but come on, strip clubs love purple lights]-- and a stage, and poles. We sat in a booth, and stared at the possibly-dead-inside topless woman, writhing emotionless around a pole. A waitress came over, I ordered the Jumbo Chicken Wings [$7] with their hot sauce, and my friend ordered a couple beers for us. In a short time, our order came in, and let me tell you, those wings looked pretty good. They weren't what I would call "jumbo", but they were much larger than, say, BW3's [no, I will not call it Buffalo Wild Wings. Weck FTW]. There were 8 wings, and they were nicely fried and spicy. As I drowned my sorrows in wings, my friend got in line at the stage for the privilege of putting a dollar bill in some woman's g-string. And yes, there was a line.
  
  My friend decided to buy me a lap dance, because, you know, that's what friends do for friends. This dancer, a spritely young woman with short blonde hair and a love of acrylic shoes and nails, led me out of my booth, and made me sit on a chair in the aisle. She then started grinding on me, and pressed her breasts on my face. Two things went through my mind, 1) she's kind of smearing up my glasses 2) she smells really fruity. Like, really really fruity, a smell I recognize, but I couldn't nail down. My dancer wasn't really looking at me while she pushed her ass in my face, and can you blame her? She's just earning a buck, not really making this a worthwhile experience for her customers. But yeah, those wings weren't bad.
  
  Visit 2: After a night of drinking, my friend kept checking Twitter, to see what was going on in Columbus. "Hey, [woman I like, with whom I had a great connection, but she was newly separated, so would it be weird if I asked her out? I don't want to be the rebound guy, even though I think we really have a connection] is at the Clintonville Farmers Market. We should go." I don't know why my friend wanted to go. I guess that's what friends do, right? Push you in a direction that could result in your happiness. Well, that's what non-asshole friends do. We drove to Clintonville, but he read an update from her on Twitter that said she was no longer there.
  
  "That sucks...hey, let's go to Kahoots!"
  
  "It's like 11:30am on a Saturday morning!"
  
  "So...?"
  
  He had a point. Off we went, this time using entrance fee waiving coupons ripped out of a free local newspaper. Surprisingly, there were quite a few people there. They probably came from the Clintonville Farmers Market, too. Nothing says "Saturday in Columbus" than buying locally-sourced heirloom tomatoes, and then getting titties shoved in your face. I wasn't hungry this time, but my friend ordered the Philly Steak Sandwich [$9], which he said was pretty decent. I think he ordered sweet potato fries, too. The problem is, fries are not included with the meal. Fries and other sides are $5 extra, which is pricey, and really not worth it. Unless all you want is fries, there's no point getting it in addition to you entree.
  
  I wasn't really feeling the Kahoots during this visit, though, even when they played Bell Biv Devoe's "Poison" [which is a damn good song], and a dancer started doing weird upside-down moves on the pole. While my friend ate, a dancer kept coming by our table, and eventually sat down next to me, doing that "gentleman's club flirting"-thing, which basically has the same emotional delivery as the guy begging on the corner who said he needs money for bus fare. But I didn't want a lap dance, I kinda just wanted to "run into" my friend at the farmer's market. We would see each other at that one stand, that has a Godzilla figure next to the broccoli. And then maybe we'd get coffee, and talk, and laugh, and smile, and be happy forever and ever. But no, I was sitting there, listening to some woman ask me, "So what do you like to do? You look smart...ever see the champagne room?"
  
  Oh, the fruity smell: Hawaiian Breeze Glade Plug-Inâ„¢

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  Posted on 04.30.13 Carl A.

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  A strip club of caddy girls wanting to be called "entertainers'"...give them the right amount they turn into prostitutes.

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  Posted on 10.27.12 Stacey S.

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  COVER:  Paid 7 bucks to get in on a Saturday night.
  
  CLUB SETUP: Only one stage area with two poles.  Kahoots usually have anywhere from 3-4 girls dancing on their stage at any one time.  You'll see them 'compete' for the poles.  For example, one stripper took her hands off the pole for 30 seconds...another stripper took the opportunity and 'ran' over to the pole to snag it away from the other girl.
  
  GIRLS:  There's the whole range here.  Girls range from 5-8.  No stunnas.  Few black girls, but mainly white women working here.  
  
  DANCES: Dances are $30...running 2 for 1s every hour or so.  A little pricy and a little tame.

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  Posted on 10.03.12 Cobra K.

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  I do not have much to compare to since this was the first and only time I've gone to any gentleman's club. I have not had their food yet but I have herd their drinks are good for their prices.
  
  I am kind of a shy and awkward person and was a little uncomfortable there, but the women were helpful to make me feel welcomed. Most of the women there are very talented and surprised me with their dancing and skill level.
  
  There was one particularly attractive girl covered in tattoos and piercings that I would go back there just to see and have a conversation with. While this is not the place for me, I would recommend this and possibly go back.

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  Posted on 07.27.12 Briden S.

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  Kahoots offers two things: tits and food. Luckily the food is decent, because the tits... not so much. Our waitress had better tits than any of the dancers; unfortunately they're not allowed to serve topless.

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  Posted on 05.21.12 Ben M.

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  So let's start with the "WHY" as far as rating Kahoots Gentlemens Club.  WHY:  cigars and booze.   Today's restaurant and pub environments are non-smoking.  And I agree 110% with the policy.  So where can guys go after playing an 18-hole round of golf to enjoy a tasty cigar and a scotch & soda?  Nowhere but Kahoots GC.
  
  There you'll find an ample outdoor, covered, heated, with TV and sound patio area that has 6 - 7 four-top tables.  Fans run continously so the ventilation is good.  No one can avoid the heavy smoke from a cigar but at least you can complete the golfing day with some pleasure.
  
  Talent?  Well, that has to be addressed.  Kahoots entertainers are lovely and friendly.  They'll chat you up and spend time... of course, they'll "ask" for business and it's up to the patron to decide.  $30 "2-for-1" on the hour is okay.  The indoor areas are great; nice bar away from the entertainment area.  But it's all about having a fine Dominican "Padron" cigar and a scotch for me.  You got a better idea,....?  Then pass it along.

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  Posted on 04.23.12 Walt S.

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  Talented dancers/decently priced beverages.  Good place to stumble into with your friends in search of a night cap.
  
  The dancers are "friendly".  Having said that, the short, bald bouncers are not. Beware: if you attempt to take pictures of strippers with a cell phone, the aforementioned napoleon-complex fueled bouncer WILL punch you in the throat--most likely because he can't reach your face.
  
  Also, strippers at this establishment become dodgy around patrons who have bleeding lacerations....perhaps my friend had a bottle smashed over his head prior to entering this place of business, and, in the midst of an enchanting lap dance which included stripper fingers being run through his hair, maybe a certain dancer found the cut unattended to.....
  
  Will definitely be back!

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  Posted on 02.17.12 CheddaMan Y.

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  Despite the smoking ban in ohio this place still smells really bad and you get acute asthma from coming here too often.  The smoker's patio is in the back and it does not have any good ventilation in the club, so the second you walk in you already can smell that nasty cigarette smell and you feel like going home and taking a shower right away. You will leave here reeking of cigarette smoke even if you just stay for 5 minutes. The cover is free before 2pm but goes up to $5-10.  The drinks are $5-7 and you will be kicked out if you don't order something (if you try to order an ice water they will refuse to serve it and demand you order a $6.75 bottle of water instead).  If it was not for the awful odor in this place and the drink hustle, I would come here more often.

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  Posted on 11.08.10 John Q.

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  I have to admit, I'm a fan of Kahoots. I've been going since...well, at least 2001. I don't go all the time or anything, but I do go a few times a year.
  
  I first started going when a coworker of mine got a 2nd job as a cocktail waitress here.  Back in those days I actually had lunch a few times, but I soon learned better. The food isn't terrible, but it's way too pricey.
  
  After that, the girl next door (literally) was a stripper there for a while, and I would go to see her. I even gave her a few pointers as far as what a guy would want to see (at her request) that purportedly made her quite a bit of money once she implemented them into her routine. Eventually we drifted apart and Kahoots and I parted ways for a while.
  
  A few years later, a few friends of mine from back home and I went after a concert and had a blast. Since then we've made a ritual of going every time they come to town for a show. We always have a riot driving around town looking for the Other Paper so we can tear the Kahoots "free admission" coupon out of the back.
  
  The drinks are totally reasonable here. I believe Guinness drafts are three or four bucks, neither of which is bad at all. The girls are significantly better looking than most other clubs I've been to, and Melanie is right, they do smell good. They aren't too pushy when they make their rounds looking for takers, generally speaking, and most of them are good at making small talk, which helps pass the time on occasion.
  
  I approve.

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  Posted on 06.26.10 Luke T.

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  I still love Kahoots, I still love love love it. Yes, I came here on my birthday, yes I enjoy getting close to strippers (they smell good and I like 'em, what?) and yes the boy likes it and likes that I like it (so glad I found someone who shares me recreational interests!) This is truly how lasting bonds are formed. ;)
  
  Since I already wrote a review, I will tell you what I *really* enjoy about Kahoots - other than watching little old men spending their social security money on having t&a rubbed in their face for a price. I really enjoy that all of the ladies here, though they are not all my type, are all actually quite pretty, respectful, and classy (for being strippers, of course). I'm also a fan of the ladies who seem to be having fun - I truly think that makes the atmosphere pretty. This time around, the waitress asked if we were a couple. I wasn't sure what she was getting at but I told her we were, and the ladies all left us alone (as in, they didn't come up to us and ask us if we wanted a private something-something), which I found nice, as I think that might be a bit awkward (what does one really do with oneself for *that* long when one can't touch the strippers?). However, we did, yes, go up to the stage and get me a little birthday present - much to our waitress's delight. The ladies were all really nice, one even did some sort of trick with a dollar bill that involved my t and her a. Juss' sayin. ;)
  
  Anyway, I'm saying this place is a nice and fairly upscale. It doesn't feel trashy (unless you're the guilty/moral type, I suppose). It's fun. Wholesome even. I recommend it. In fact, the boy and I are planning a big couples dinner here for some of our friends so that we can spread the love.

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  Posted on 04.18.10 Melanie B.

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  More of a lounge than a strip club, Kahoots is more of a place to hang out and just observe the dancers than interact. There are more booth seating for drinks with friends than seats in front or facing the couple of stages this place has.
  
  The girls are cute and good looking but won't work too hard for tips. I believe it is a free after midnight to get in so that is a plus if stopping by after a bar visit or a party turned out to be a dud.

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  Posted on 06.09.09 Brandon S.

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