Dick's Last Resort

Hey dicks, I'm giving you one lonely star. And you know what? That's one more star than you deserve.

I get it, I get it. You're one of those places where people go to get treated poorly by sarcastic servers. When it's well done, it can be fun. (See Ed Debevic's in Chicago for a well-executed demonstration of this concept.)

But you Dick's just don't get it.

See, both times I've been in your restaurant, I've seen something that's egregiously offensive, and highly distasteful. Yeah yeah yeah, that's the whole point of this place, to be offensive.

You're probably thinking, "This guy doesn't get the joke. What a loser."

Not so much.

See, what it boils down to is your stupid paper hats. You put them on customers, write something offensive on them that the customer can't see (unless they take off the hat) then shame them based on what you write for the rest of their meal.

Here's the problem - both times I've been at your restaurant (and frankly, the word "restaurant"  is a stretch because the food is just terrible) I've seen servers try to be funny by insinuating that a customer is gay. And you know what? That's wrong.

Using sexuality to shame or embarrass someone is just as offensive as making a joke about someone's race or religion. There were no comments on ANY hats about either of those subjects, so what makes you think making fun of a teenage boy by using a gay joke is okay? It's not. Period.

Let me tell you a little more, because I know you're somewhat new to Minnesota. We're liberal. We like people of all kinds. We're not a discriminatory culture.

In November 2012, a marriage amendment banning gay marriage came up on the ballot here, and you know what? The entire state of Minnesota shot that amendment down.

We're intelligent people. We're compassionate. We care about our neighbors.

We're not turning our noses up at you because we don't get the joke - we turn our noses up at you because the joke isn't funny.

Avoid this place. There are better venues in the Mall of America, I promise. And if you're looking for someone to be playfully rude to you, find a store in the mall that caters exclusively to teenagers. You'll find your fill there.

I understand the shtick and attraction but the food was only mediocre.

This is not palace you want to bring the kids and the comedy routine is worth a one time experience but not worth the return visit.

I ate at the original Dick's in San Antonio several years ago.  It was St. Patrick's day - the river was green in honor of St. Patrick's Day and our waiter Peter (his friends called him Long Peter and to be truthful he was very tall) was very rude and sarcastic, but with a sweet side.  The place was packed with green attired revelers, all in high spirits.  

Flash forward to last night at Dick's in the Mall of America.  Granted we were there pretty early for the dinner crowd, but there was hardly anyone there.  After being seated we got the mandatory Dick's Last Resort bibs and our waitress came over to our table.  We were waiting for rude - for sarcastic - in the mood for some put downs.  Pretty much nothin though.  Our waitress tried to be surly but it wasn't in her.  I ordered a chardonnay which was OK and the boys had beers.  Probably the best of our food was the BBQ half chicken with fries.  The other food items were just not great.  We did eventually get our paper hats with some pretty good verbage.  We also got a bill of over $100 which seemed excessive based on what we had ordered and the quality of the food and lack of quality of the sarcasm.