Lou Turk's

Ice cold beer ice cold.beer  looks great inside. Remodel did wonders. The girls  well let's leave my review right there for now

I think the first thing I should do is provide a disclaimer for that star rating: strictly speaking, my evaluation falls more under the "Yay! I'm a fan" description of four stars than the quality those stars would normally bring to mind...

I've not been in Lou Turk's hallowed hall for a few years, but when I was apprenticing, the journeymen would force me to celebrate freaky Friday there with them weekly. As far as quality of performers go, think of this place as a cheesesteak shop in comparison to LeBec Fin; you can get a very satisfying quality meal, but it's not exactly something you'd be bragging about to everyone you meet.

Basic dive bar type setup (generic domestics and well drinks), and pricing is relative to that, so you can get a pretty good load on for a pretty fair price. Some would say that is the end of the prettiness you'll find there, but all women are beautiful, so you can definitely find some diamonds here, just less on the weekdays at noon (when the butts start shaking) than on Friday or Saturday at 9pm. Bottoms never come off here but areolas are fully flaunted, private dances are allegedly $20 (but I've never been there when someone got one) and though the stage is behind the bar, when the ladies come around after dancing to collected private tips, things can get a tad wild...

This was the first gentleman's club I was ever admitted to, and the fellows who brought me there felt it was their duty to educate me in the ways of the perve, so I feel it is only right that I pass on a few moves to those of you not in the "know". Remember, these are just normal ladies, so try not to be too much of a jerk when enjoying the show, many of them are there supporting families.

1. The fish hook: When the dancer is coming around in her bra and panties to get paid post-performance, she will offer you three deposit ports; chesticles, booty, and then front side-down low. When offered the teat, take your dollar with your index and middle finger and slide it between her garment and skin, then, looping your pinky like a J, you hook the nipple on the way out. Strippers are anti-fans of this move, and you'll likely only have one chance to execute it before word spreads that you are a creeper, so plan your actions accordingly.

2. The Stork: At any point when you wish to reward a good show, fold your bill longways down the center, then moisten your nose on both sides with saliva or beer, and apply said bill. Liquid will adhere the cash to your schnoz, extending your natural length by a good three inches, and give you the semblance of having a stork beak. How you have the lovely lady remove your "bill" is up to you, but she has a few pinch points to work with and will usually oblige.

3. Work the bartender: On many of my sojourns here the hottest employee was actually the ex-dancing cougar of a bartender. Work the conversation right with her and you could be getting flashes (often with the permission to fondle) for whatever price you've negotiated: silver tongues may go for free, a-holes could be charged as much as $40

The final bit of advice I offer should almost go without saying. They serve food here, but I cannot bring myself to dine at a venue such as this, so thankfully a Wawa is located directly across the street for scoring all your victuals.