Schwa

Hah, sicker than your average Poppa
Twist cabbage off instinct n****s don't think s**t stink
pink gators, my Detroit players
Timbs for my hooligans in Brooklyn
Dead right, if they head right, Biggie there every night
Poppa been smooth since days of Underroos
Never lose, never choose to, bruise crews who
do something to us, talk go through us
Girls walk to us, wanna do us, screw us
Who us? Yeah, Poppa and Puff

-"Hypnotize", AKA the first song that played during our 9 course dinner

Let me begin with the ending of my experience at Schwa: a drunk woman at the table next to ours remarked on how tall I am. She then bet me that all of her time at the gym has paid off and she could hold me in her arms. She then held me, like a baby. I returned the favor. Then we took shots of Jameson with the staff and my boyfriend and I stumbled home.

This is the ultimate spot for adventurous foodies who know how to have a good time. This is not your typical stuffy 5 star restaurant. This is a 5 star restaurant that is way fucking cooler because you can actually relax, eat, and have a good time. This isn't a good place to take your grandma, unless your grandma is the type to have a few too many glasses of pinot grigio and then take her wig off at the table.

I'm not sure what more I could say about the food. Obviously it is phenomenal. I guarantee you if Schwa was more 'proper' they would have 3 michelin stars. Thankfully they're not, but that means they only have 1.

Get the 9 course option and forget all of your dietary restrictions and non-fatal food allergies. Just let them do what they do best and worry about the rest later.

If you don't know much about Schwa do your research. Their Wikipedia page outlines how hard they work and how little they get paid. The small staff does this because they love it, not because they want to cash out or impress fancy people. I get pissed off reading the mediocre reviews on here because people don't seem to understand or appreciate that.

To be honest, we really haven't had a hard time getting reservations. We tried a few times a day for about 4 days and then got one. I called the afternoon after we ate there and someone answered the phone right away. I guess it's luck?

Bring the staff some booze. Why? Because that's the polite thing to do. Didn't your mom teach you that?

So I was really torn between a 4 and a 5. Then after thinking about it some I decided on the 4.  I'll start off by saying that I am really not a "foodie". I don't typically go out for dinner to places that are a dining "experience" - that's not to say I don't want to ENJOY my dining experiences but I don't really seek them out! In any even, a friend emailed and said she has a reservation for three at Schwa. Another friend and I jumped on the chance! A Thursday night dinner with two good friends AND it's BYOB! Count me in. I didn't know anything Schwa or the food or the experience. So naturally I started googling. And then I got scared. What do you mean it's a tiny place where the chefs bring out your food and there is no wait staff? What do you mean we should bring the chefs a bottle of Jameson?! What do you mean they never answer the phone and it can take years to get a reservation?

We were the first to arrive and were immediately greeted and seated. I loved the laid back atmosphere, I loved the music and I loved every single one of the guys that came out to bring us our food! We went with the 9-course menu - it's was $115/pp. At the end of the day I think we counted and ended with something like 14 courses? I wish that they gave you something at the end that told you everything you ate because we honestly couldn't remember. I can tell you that I loved the quail egg ravioli shooter, really liked the thai soup, loved the tagliatelle, actually, really loved MOST of the plates they brought out. I gave it 4 stars because we didn't love all of the plates and I feel that for the price and the anticipation everything should be amazing...and for me, it wasn't. Also, our reservations were at 6 and we were done with all of our courses by 7:30! So we felt a little rushed and weren't sure why our meal was so short. I will say that I loved the experience and would probably want to try and go back for something special in the future!

I'm just going to say my meal ended with a hug for each of the chefs that brought out our food. This was the craziest, most awesome dining experience ever. I really enjoyed the excitement of getting there ("got the call"), being there and eating. I was happy and intoxicated. Flavors in my mouth were swirling around. Music was blaring, the energy was just super cool.

I died a little with a couple of bites, went to heaven a little, came back to earth and got to experience more. Ravioli was awesome as many reviewers point out. The drinkable, edible pansy in apple cider was awesome. The tom kha thing-a-ma-jig was nice to look at and taste but the texture was weird (but I finished it anyway because I was afraid not to, I donno). The gnocchi with bone marrow was one of the best thing I've eaten in life.

Just so cool. Please let me come back and I will hug you all over again!