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  • 0

    Fun if you're drunk enough
    Aside from the forced $3 coat check to even get upstairs...

    Good music, fun atmosphere, and young vibe. It's a huge place - if you don't like the d-bags next to you, MOVE. Drinks and crowd are typical Wrigleyville. Good place to go dance if you're with a good crowd. Don't go here trying to meet people, because the place is filled with sketchy guys.

  • 0

    Good for:

    Breakfast
    Brunch
    Lunch
    Dinner
    Late Night
    Dessert
    Nothing

    :EDIT: Yelp won't let me put boxes and check marks into my review. There should be empty boxes next to everything except "Nothing," which should have a checked box. So I'll make it a bit more obvious:

    Don't come here.

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  • 0

    Enormous dance floor.  My friends and I referred to it as "the dance factory" before we figured out its name.  Downstairs is chill, but upstairs looks like that scene from the matrix.  You go here when its late.

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  • 0

    I actually really like this place! I hate going to Wrigley because everyone is 21-22, but I like the dancing aspect of JBC, so for it to come to River North is awesome. This past weekend was the grand opening, and it got packed fast. The upstairs is really cool with a huge screen and plenty of space to dance and walk around. The beer quality is good here, but the servers need a little more practice to get up-to-speed with the demand. All in all, it was a great time!

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  • 0

    The 1st bar I went to when I turned 21. I held this place in such esteem (from stories the older folk in my life told me) so I was all in awe when I was admitted at 12:01 am on my bday.  The first floor is just a big sports bar, a little classier than most but still a glorified sports bar. The upstairs is guarded by yet another bouncer and if it is super packed (like it is every Saturday night) there will be a line for you to wait in. You most likely waited in line to get in and now yet another line for the upstairs, but it will be worth it (at least for this 22 year old it is). The upstairs is a giant dance floor with a few bars flanking the sides. It can be tough to get a drink but the music is pretty decent and loud. I won't wait in a long line to get in here but there's just something about it that makes me sigh and want to come back again and again. I'm kind of a Barleycorn groupie (I've been to all 3 locations) and I'm super excited for the new location in River North!

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  • 0

    I've been here many times and most recently I was here for their Halloween event. The bartenders were friendly, especially since I had the open bar wristband.

    I prefer upstairs because there's a bigger dance floor and the mood just seems better. The drinks were alright. The bathrooms were relatively okay and that leads me to the rudest moment of the night.

    I was in the girls bathroom and a girl walks out of the bathroom stall. She doesn't see the bathroom attendant hand her soap, so she pushes it at the sink instead. When she's done washing her hands, she asks the bathroom attendant for a paper towel and she said "No. You don't get a towel because you refused my service." WOW. Did that really just happen? I was completely shocked. I felt bad that I had already used my paper towel and I thought about offering it to her just as a gesture, but I decided against it. I just told her that I saw everything and that I was dumbfounded that it even happened. I've met bathroom attendants before and they have generally been nice, even selling packets of cigarettes out of their bags to girls waiting in line, but damn.

    Barleycorn, where do you find your attendants?

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  • 0

    I lost my phone here, I think it was stolen. Otherwise..decent place to go.

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  • 0

    I went to John Barleycorn, (an Iowa bar) since the one next door was being dumb, and had no problem.  Not only did they give me a great seat, said I can turn any T.V. on to watch the game, and changed the sound so I could hear it!  Awesome.  They will get 4-5 stars from me at John Barleycorn.  They have the wraps that are really good!  I appreciated the time!

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  • 0

    John Barley Corn is located in the apex of Wrigleyville, or as I like to adoringly refer it to as "Brolandia".

    I was dragged in here last night out of guilt because it was one of my friend's last day in the Chi. We got there around 11 pm, and the line to get in was so long it made both the DMV and Social Security office seem like fast food places.

    Whilst waiting in line, I noticed a fairly small sign on the outside that "Dress Code". I was honestly appalled at how many rules regarding dress code they had that it made me almost not want to go in there. I would have preferred if the bouncers passed out homogenized uniforms, like potato sacks or something for people to wear before they enter the bar that are JOHN BARLEY CORN appropriate.

    The floors were sticky as all hell i thought my shoes were going to get cemented to the floor. How often do they clean them? Once every harvest moon? Once the cubs win a game? It was gross.

    The drinks are expensive and i suggest selling a pet or kidney in order to afford a round.

    When my friend's and i wanted to go up to the dance area, a big ol' security guard said that it was a $5 cover which was just plain ridiculous. She said that of all the times she's been there that has never happened before, it's always been a free for all for whoever wanted to go there.

    Our fuses were growing to be quite short, and in attempts to avoid any types of explosions, we decided that leaving was the best option.

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  • 0

    Slow slow service, overcooked dead food and poor service.  The customer is not treated like they value your business.  There are many other places around there that have quality food and service.

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  • 0

    You know what kinda bar this is, thats right, uh-huh, the pick up bar. And It serves its purpose. Music is like straight from B96 dance station. Drink prices are actually comparable except for beers. Go downstairs for quiet time with Mr./Mrs Right now.

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  • 0

    I gotta give them credit for a pretty interesting layout; I like how the bottom area has tables/booths and a pretty large bar area. It isn't hard to get a drink here usually, but on a busy crowded night it's a huge hassle.

    The stairs leading upwards are a nice touch, and there is a pretty large dance floor upstairs. I wish I could remember what kind of music they were playing, but I had a good time regardless. There's another bar upstairs as well.

    I definitely won't bother going in if there's a line out front, because it definitely is NOT worth it - at that point, just go right across the street to Red Ivy, and you'll be a lot more happier. But if there isn't an obnoxious line, and it looks like there are a decent amount of people inside, it's not a waste to go in and check it out.

    *I think it's stupid that John Barleycorn's Wrigleyville location has no daily specials posted on their website (they do lame wristband specials for certain games), whereas Red Ivy has a drink special every day of the week = Red Ivy FTW!!

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  • 0

    What can i say that hasn't already been said about this place.  If you are still pining away for your college frat experience this is your place.

    If you have an ounce of self-respect this isn't.

    Got dragged here on a corporate event recently and was firmly reminded why I haven't been here in the last 15 years or so. Save yourself and enjoy a warm, flat Schlitz at home, it'll be a more pleasant experience.

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  • 0

    This place is fun and a great place for a group of friends. But recently my friends were visiting and I took them there. We were having a great time until one of the bouncers pushed my friend down the stairs. Not a literal tumble but enough for her to get aggressive back. He would not let her wrist go when we were trying to leave, and was calling her horrible names like the "c" word. My girlfriends and I were legitimately scared he might hurt her more. When we tried talking to management, they were very unhelpful. It really is too bad because this place is fun, but they need to hire a more intelligent and professional staff. No man should ever lay his hands on a woman. So ladies- if you go here, be sure to avoid all bouncers. I thought they were there to keep people safe, and we felt the most unsafe when around them.

    Oh and let me add in there, the bouncer that pushed my friend was probably 6'5. My friend weighs 120 pounds and couldn't hurt a fly.

    All in all, this place sucks. I couldn't believe the way the staff treated my friends and I. Forget the crowd that goes there, at least the people are nice. It's the terrible service and unprofessional and dangerous staff. If you people want to have a good time, go a block over to the little German bar. It's small and a blast. Not to mention amazing service. If I could Yelp a negative 5 stars, that would probably be more accurate.

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  • 0

    It really pains me to give establishments one star reviews, but after my experience last night, I knew I had to Yelp about it. It also takes a lot for me to go out of my way to boycott an establishment and spread word to my various networks.

    I lived in Chicago for four years before relocating, so I know what to expect from Barleycorn. My friends were celebrating their college graduations and contacted Barleycorn over a month ago. They wanted to do the wristband special (9-12) and asked the event planner if it was possible to reserve tables for the group for the wristband special (since we had about 15-20 people going). He said definitely and there would be no problem.

    Fast forward to the day of the party: From the second we walked in, almost the entire staff treated us like crap (We were completely sober and the place was empty, so we weren't wild or rowdy and we were dressed up nicely). Simple questions like, "Is the wristband deal upstairs? Do you know who I can talk to about my party?" were answered with such condescending attitude, like it was such a privilege that Barleycorn was allowing us to be there.

    Worst of all plans that were made with the event planner evidently never made it to the staff a Barleycorn. Literally, almost every member of the staff looked at my friend like she was crazy when she asked about her party deal.

    Here are some highlighted issues:
    1) We had no tables reserved (even though my friend had specific evidence of Barleycorn agreeing to it in an email)
    2) The party host had to pay for her deal (I've never been at a bar where the party host had to pay),
    3) When we tried to grab two free tables upstairs (recommended to us by the bottle service hostess, who was by far the nicest person we encountered) a staff member told us we couldn't do that and to consolidate (Then he told us he'd hook us up and let us sit in a booth in the bottle service area, but we never saw him again that entire night, thanks for nothing Darrel/Daryl).

    Usually when you plan a party/deal with bars, they bend over backwards to be nice to you. The experience at Barleycorn was, by far, the worst treatment I've ever seen by a bar to its patrons. I know places have bad nights, but it seemed like almost every staff member went out of their way to give us attitude.

    If we hadn't gotten attitude at almost every interaction with a staff member, I don't think I'd be writing this review.

    PS: I'm not even including the incident where another bar patron literally out of the blue walks into my female friend and shoves her into a table forcefully, then proceeds to try and attack her. FOR NO REASON AT ALL. When the bouncers eventually pulled her off of my friend, she tried to attack the bouncers and managers. It was completely ridiculous.

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  • 0

    Does this apply to you?

    go tanning - 3 points
    wear axe body spray - 1 point
    wear vertically striped shirts - 3 points
    use the word "bro" or "brah" - 4 points
    visit bodybuilding./com - 1 point
    have a tribal band arm tattoo -4 points
    involved in greek - 5 points
    wear baseball caps when its cloudy - 2 points
    have a ho stamp - 4 points
    fist pump - 3 points
    listen to B96 exclusively - 2 points
    own Beats By Dre headphones - 3 points
    wear pants with words on the ass - 2 points
    take Jager shots - 2 points
    wear multiple polos with popped collars - 3 points
    watch jersey shore - 2 points
    dream of hanging out with cast of jersey shore - 7 points
    included on sex offender registry - 5 points
    Have a good roofie recipe - 6 points

    Now add up the points of every question that applies to you. If you ended up with higher than 2 points, you'll enjoy barleycorn. End yourself ASAP.

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  • 0

    Had a bouncer creep up behind me and threaten to kick me out for apparently talking to the owner's girlfriend

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  • 0

    Complain all you want folks, but you keep on coming back. Barleycorn is a staple in the Wrigley area and whether you like to admit it or not you still find yourself right where you were a couple weekends ago (dancing upstairs to dirty darren).

    This place has both a dance floor and a pub, you can bring a wide range of people and appeal to everyone whether they want a more chill atmosphere or want to dance and club.

    Again if you aren't impressed by the crowd, then you should focus on the group of people you came in with.  Ignore the "dooshes", and have a great time with your friends, or maybe its your friends that aren't that fun?hmmm ANYWAYS I have had a great time every time i go there, great staff, good music, and guaranteed the bar wont be empty.

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  • 0

    I've been here many times, and this this was by far the worst experience ever. Chris S. (server # 3038) overcharged me for 7 drinks that I bought for myself and others. One was non-alcoholic and another one I had to return one because there was no booze in it. When I got my bill, I had to dispute the (over)charge. He said he called the manager, but one never came. Next time, cash only, no tip for him.
    In the course of two hours I watched (and laughed) as three losers got kicked out- Happy Easter!

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  • 0

    don't come with underage kids thinking you'll pass. Bring your 21's and up, folks. they sometimes ask for a second ID as noticed by the sign on the door.

    Bar is 2 levels. Downstairs =chill, upstairs =dance. Both usually have good music upstairs can get techno-y at times, and you're sure to bump into a bunch of people you know coincidentally. It's a hot spot.

    Bartenders and be mean if you turn your back to hug friends without paying for your round of shots right away, so pay first, then hug...= (cool it meanie!)

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  • 0

    Look, I'm gonna be straight with you. I was in a fraternity in college and loved to drink it up in my post grad years. With that understanding, between you and I, I've been in some shady/douchey/creepy establishments.

    When someone asks me where they can:
    - Locate the biggest tools
    - Be surrounded by the most classless environment
    - Pay too much for drinks
    -Hate myself after going there

    Then I point them in this direction. Its a place vapid people flock towards in order to feel cool. I have to stop talking or I'll just throw up in my mouth.

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  • 0

    If you're looking for an extremely dumbed-down, loud, annoying bar full of jar head idiots then this is your place.  

    Your evening starts out with the prototypical obese bouncer with an earpiece in his ear, diligently checking IDs even though half my hair is gray.  

    Once you are inside, you get to enjoy the same freaking songs over and over and over again at 120 decibles, most of which were popular like five years ago.

    If you're lucky, you will encounter one of the jar-head idiot patrons who literally go out of their way in baiting other patrons into senseless fights.

    Want some cheap food?  Sure!  $6 fish tacos that will make you double-over are a great starter. How about some crappy nachos?

    Sounds like a great night, no?  At least when I was there the service was very prompt and good so you won't starve or go thirsty.

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  • 0

    Downright uncomfortable.

    The upstairs kind of wants to be a dimly lit sexy lounge/club while the downstairs is more sports oriented. The drinks were terribly high. We knew this would be the case. Thank goodness for planning ahead and pre-gaming at home first. There is no way I would want to get a light buzz here for 50 bucks (just for me).

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  • 0

    Bottom Line Up Front: I want to burn this place to the ground.

    This is the quintessential example of what ruined Wrigleyville. Expensive light beer, Faux classy clientelle, Bachelorette Party headquarters, fights, fist pumping, Ed Hardy.

    Everybody who frequents this hell hole likes Nickleback and New York style pizza.

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  • 0

    You know when you're using a drinking fountain, and a toilet flushes in an adjacent restroom, and the water pressure of the fountain drops off for a moment, and you can't help but wonder if you're about to drink up some raw sewage?  That's why I hold my breath when I walk by this place.  

    One of the more effusive reviews below praises Barleycorn for having "not many fights".  Bravo.  That is truly the measure of a class establishment.  It's a fine attribute...if you're talking about a penitentiary.

    If Hitler, bin Laden, and Vlad the Impaler were asking for Chicago bar recommendations, I'd still be reluctant to direct them to this dump.  Brutal music and service, and the crowd is full of young fellows doing their best to make the sex offender registry.

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  • 0

    ISU FRAT PARTY YALL!!! LADIES, PUT ON YOUR SLUTTIEST OUTFITS, FELLAS, THROW ON THOSE STRIPED EXPRESS BUTTON UP'S AND DON'T FORGET TO SHOWER YOURSELF IN YOUR FAVORITE AXE COLOGNE. NOW LET THE FISTS PUMP AND 'JAMO' SHOTS FLOW.

    This place is horrible. When you want the wrigleyville jocks/frat boys to take off the cubs hats and dress up just slightly more, this is the place to check out. Horrible music, horrible crowd, horrible service, watered down-overpriced drinks. Ask anybody there where they went to school...Seriously, do it.

    0/10

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  • 0

    Did you really just turn the music off (the only good thing you had going for you) to turn up the volume of the college basketball game? You did, didn't you?

    Let me pay for my ridiculously expensive beer, and GTFO.

    On to the next one.

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  • 0

    Oh man....

    First off - Barleycorn is NEVER my idea or my choice.  The only time it's socially acceptable for a 30-year-old woman to be at Barleycorn is after a Cubs game and that's ONLY if you're approximately 8-10 beers deep and fresh off a stint in the bleachers.

    With that said, it could be a lot worse.  At least the downstairs of Barleycorn is set up as more of a pub where weary drinkers can grab a seat and attempt conversation.  Upstairs is where the oonz-oonz dance music rages on for bumping and grinding into the wee hours.  

    Avoid the upstairs and you may make it out alive.  Of course, that's assuming you didn't blow all your cash on $5 draft Miller Lites.  WTF?  5 bucks for a DRAFT Lite?  Bogus.

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  • 0

    Sometimes you're suckered into going places you'd rater not.

    John Barleycorn was this place for me

    And by the experience I had there I can honestly say I would rater be punched in the nuts by a foul mouthed cantankerous midget than have the misfortune of being stuck here again.

    It was actually, hell on earth

    At one point I was sure that we had actually entered the Seventh circle of hell( those violent against themselves) in the XIV canto of Dante's Inferno

    as was described

    "Enormous herds of naked souls I saw
    lamenting til their eyes were burned of tears
    they seemed condemned by an unequal law

    for some were stretched supine upon the ground
    some squatted with their arms about themselves
    and others without pause roamed round and round"

    This was to be the scene that I had encountered here.

    Frantically like a bear caught in a bear trap I resorted to my last possible route of egress.

    And chewed the metaphoric bear trap which had ensnared me made my flight from this terrible, terrible den of inequity.

    Cornered, scared, and outnumbered I ran to the doors post haste leaving the droning sound of senseless hip hop music with over enthusiastic use of the vocoder behind me.

    Bounding past the throngs of those who stood in line to enter and in such were doomed to become part of this menagerie of over priced drinks, mediocre whores, scaly douche bags, and bad music, I gave thought to warning them of their impending doom.

    Eyeing an old friend whom was standing in line I made my way towards him to  give him  trial of my journey through this dark abyss of mindlessness but, it was too late his collar was already popped.  I weeped, knowing he would never return to any semblance of decency after his hand had been stamped.

    I sought solace in the paper bag wrapped elixir that is  the 24 oz. of Old style, whilst licking my wounds taking stock of my life up to that fateful journey to John barleycorn.

    Sadly though, it wasn't enough

    John Barleycorn.  You make me hate myself

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  • 0

    10 -Beers at 5 dollars a piece :(
    9- Slutty girls showing their boobies :)(more like 900)
    8- Tough guys looking to fight :(
    7- AM. is always a good time to start drinking before a cubs game :)
    6- Full hours of drinking before the cubs game :(
    5- Kids learning early in life it's ok to drink while people are working :)
    4- Times I heard someone puking in the bathroom :(
    3- Times I was caught looking at slutty girls boobies :)
    2- Drunk to stand by the time game started :(
    1- Pretty good time had by all. :)

    Wow I have sunk to an all time low on this one, I apologize for wasting your time. :(

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  • 0

    This place sucks, WAY more than any other place in Wrigleyville. I've had to come here when friends choose it for celebrations, but I wouldn't ever step foot in this place when the location is my decision. It's crowded, really crowded.

    The dance floor upstairs is dirty and full of gross old men, wasted "chads" and girls who look like they thought they were going to a night club but ended up in a bar. If I'm drunk enough, I will dance, but usually only for a song of two, until I get sick of being groped and having some strangers half-wood rubbed against me. There is always a line to get upstairs and that is mind boggling to me. The last time I was here (last night) I saw some entitled, bottle service douche bag spit on the floor. Yeah, inside a building, just spit, and then when I glared at him, he told me to get over myself, as though the expectation that someone wouldn't just spit on the floor, in a building is pretentious.

    The bathrooms are disgusting, even though they have an attendant, who isn't shy about asking for your money, most of the night. The drinks are disgustingly expensive, $5 for a miller light, that makes me feel more violated than the "dancing" I just endured.   Oh and there was a dance-version of sweet caroline at some point, it was more nauseating than the amount of liquor I had to drink to be convinced to come here.

    If you have to hang out in Wrigleyville, that's bad enough, don't come to John Barleycorn unless you're a masochist and looking to destroy any chance of having a  good time.

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  • 0

    (Scene: Gettin' fancy for a work birthday party with all my roomate's hair gunk.)

    Me: Where is this bar exactly?

    Roomie: Oh, you know, on the corner of douchebag and hell.

    (cut to me, eyebrows flying off face in concern for my evening's well being)

    And she wasn't wrong a bit. I tried to be open minded. Hell, I've lived in Big 12 towns my entire life. Half of my family lives in Texas. You think I can't handle a douchebag?

    Oh god, not when there's 750 douchebags AND I had to wait outside for 45 minutes behind three DePaul students with fake IDs who smelled like they were doused Eau De Homeless AND who kept saying (to me, to themselves, to whoever) over and over again "OMG, HONEY! Your makeup is running!" AND I didn't get a red plastic cup that only cost $4 AND there's not even a chillout room to go sit down and mellow the fuck out! Even a FUJI would remember a chillout room AND it was JUST. SO. LOUD. AND I'M OLD.

    It wasn't a frat party, it was the apocolypse.

    Now get your ball out of my yard. Damn kids.

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  • 0

    How the heck did I end up at John Barleycorn??  Good question.

    My friend and I met a group of French kids at the Alliance Francaise event, made friends and went to a house party with them. It was a lot of fun and I was ready to go home at midnight. They refused to let their new American friends go and threw us in a cab and we all went to Barleycorns.

    I would have loved this place if I was 19 with a fake ID. This is your typical loud and crowded college bar where kids are in baseball hats throwing back beers. But, I did throw back a few drinks and danced the night away upstairs.

    Funny story - On our way upstairs, the bouncer dude stopped me because we apparently have to wait until somebody leaves the area before we go in. He put his arm out and his palm ran into my right boob. I gave him my "asian bitchy look" and said "Do you know you just touched my boob??" He apologized profusely... it was hilarious.

    One a positive note, the bathroom has rotating seat covers, similar to the ones at O'hare and an automatic paper towel dispenser. This is great because you kind of feel dirty just walking in.

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  • 0

    I'm over 25

    I have never been in the Greek system

    I do not date men who wear vertical striped shirts

    I'm taking Alex's advice and staying the hell away from John Barleycorn.

    Friends, if you ever hear of me setting foot in this establishment, feel free to de-friend me toute suite.

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  • 0

    Guys: If you are gigantic douchebag, this place is for you.

    Girls: If you are a dumb skank who thinks she's 10 times hotter than she really is, this place if for you.

    Everyone else: Stay away.

    This place is full of early 20s tools who think they are too cool for school. It is also filled with a suburban chicago crowd that is having their night out in the city and thinks they are tough guys and hot girls, even though they are neither. There is a line to get in, an enormous line to get upstairs, and the drinks are weak and over-priced.

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  • 0

    SERIOUSLY, HOW DO YOU FU*K UP CHICKEN STRIPS?

    No, seriously?  How?  

    I can't even begin to describe how bad the food is.  Everything my group had from the chicken strips to the buffalo wings to the fajitas were cold, horrible, and nasty.

    Drink here if you must, but stay away from the food.

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  • 0

    Ugh.  Really?  Did my friends have to pick this place?  Really?

    I've been here for a private party (lame), a few birthday cocktails (don't get me started), & lunch.

    Private Party = not so private.
    Birthday cocktails = if you enjoy it when guys blatantly hit on you with their "I just vomited in the street & came back in to drink some more" breath & then, when you decline their advances proclaim, "You're not that hot anyways, b!tch!" well then, by all means, come here!
    Lunch = the service was okay, I can't complain much there, but our waitress was incredibly unfriendly.  Listen, I've had bad days at the ole workplace, but you bet your butt that when a customer/client/vendor was on the phone/in the office/at the site ... I put on my A game face.  Not only that, but the vegetarian flautas were bland alone & crazy hot with the jalapeo sour cream concoction.  Luckily, they didn't charge for refills.  Hence the one star.

    I will avoid this & all bars with Barleycorn in their name like the plague.

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  • 0

    John Barleycorn can shampoo my crotch. This place is full imbeciles, lechers, cuckolds, and chodes. I set foot in this bar once, when a friend who I have since cut ties to suggested the idea of going to "this really cool bar in Wrigleyville" -- I have since drawn an invisible line around the Wrigleyville and have began pretending that there is a giant hole in the Earth inside that invisible line. John Barleycorn is one of the reasons I decide to draw that line.

    On that fated night, the night I was forced to enter that horrifying place... I witnessed some of the most disgusting, shallow, antagonistic, predatory and foul actions I have ever witnessed in person. The atmosphere of this place is simply unsettling, I will never return... and urge you to avoid it at all costs as well.

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  • 0

    I want to give Barleycorn 4 stars, but I'm giving it 5 as an act of civil disobedience to spite all the yuppies and condescending asses who can't appreciate that there is more than one way to party. I think all the reviews have made quite clear what this bar is, so with that knowledge please be advised:

    Do not frequent a fratty establishment if you cannot handle the fratmosphere.

    Yes, it is loud. It is crowded. Their drinks are strong. The clientele is wasted. I am young. I am in a fraternity. I occasionally wear shirts with vertical stripes. SOMETIMES, I enjoy the fratastic ambience that Barleycorn Wrigleyville so perfectly epitomizes. A place to drink and a place to dance, fast bartenders, reasonably priced drinks, and elevated status when you enter the reserved section terrace which lifts you approximately three feet higher than the proletariat. If you're over 25 or you simply don't enjoy a college-style bar, the decision is obvious. Don't go. For the rest of us, it's a damn good time.

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  • 0

    Dood! We totally got wasted in my dad's car on the way down here from Schaumburg (he owns a dealership and will TOTALLY hook you up).  Me and the Phi Delt brothers love hittin this place, it's totally awesome for nailing chicks. This one time I totally made out with this chick in the bathroom. Killer dawg, yeah!  (hi-fives) Lost my hat though. Then I totally kicked this guy's ass cuz he stepped on my foot. (Which means I had a shoving match and maybe took one big wild John Wayne swing at him.)  Disrespectin' me dawg, gotta represent!  YEAH!  (hi-fives again)

    On the way home we had ironic bi-curious relations at a truck stop. It was hilarious!

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  • 0

    Fake Irish bar start-up kit:

    1) One flatbed load of veneered press board paneling

    2) Flags for every team in the Big Ten (can't leave anyone out)

    3) Three Guinness taps and two bartenders who don't know how to use them

    4) Two sneering, steriod-infused bouncers at the door to add to the ambiance

    5) Stacy and Amy, Downers Grove natives and Communication Arts majors at the University of Wisconsin-Madison don't care what you think, they look HOT!

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